(no subject)

Yesterday was the 6th anniversary death of the father of my chilren. My daughter reminded me at lunch. My mother did not let her talk about it. i did not intervene. Does that make me a bad parent?

He did a terrible thing to my children, especially my daughter. For the rest of her life her birthday will be marred by the knowledge that the day after her 27th birthday her father decided to take his own life. What a mean and selfish man.

i am not against taking one's life in principle. My best friend and i have a pact that we will assist each other if the quality of our lives ever deteriorates to the point that no good thing will come of it. Her mother died of Alzheimer's. She wants my help if the disease attacks her. She wants my help before she loses her mind completely. i will do that. She will do the same for me. i know (i hope) my family and friends will grieve for me. The thing that angers me so about my children's father is that he choose such a bad time to end his life. He could have done it in August or October, not in September. Not the day after his only daughter's birthday.

My particular feeling is the world is a better place without him. i did not mourn his death, but i was damned angry at what he did to his children. So sue me.

another thing

My mind must be wired differently than most other folks. i never know what anyone is talking about. It's as if i come into the middle of a conversation in a foreign language and i am expected to just pick up and carry on. It happens all the time with Master. i chalked that up to He's a man and from Texas. Now i have to re-think. i have noticed i never seem to know what my Mother or daughter are talking about either. Nor my sister. i think i'm paying attention when others speak. i know i am. It seems like everything that comes out of someone's mouth is from out in left field somewhere. Very distressing.