The Little Book of Important Things to Remember

Master has surprises for me and won't tell me what they are. That's mean.

i said so much in my response to veil, and then wrote the three good things, now i'm all out of stuff to say.

Will take notes for tonight.

i have to get back into the swing of writing in my journal. Being away from it for a week at first was difficult, but as the week went by, it became easier and easier to forget about it. i have several things about my trip i want to write about in more detail. i decided this evening that driving all that way by myself was much more stressful than i anticipated. All i wanted to do today was sleep. i'm guessing it is the let down from the excitement of being on my own. And now, again, i'm tired, so the journal will have to wait till tomorro

Got the ok from Woowoo to spend a week in Chas. this year. She said it was a big sacrifice but she was willing to make it. Now i'll order the ticket online, that is if i can ever manage to get my credit card in the same place as the computer. Having a two story house is not all it's cracked up to be when the mind is not as good as it should be.

Got a phone call from Son last night. He has an interview at Deere's tonight but yesterday the car died on them. Wife has to take the truck to work and can't be home in time to take him to the interview so he wanted to know if i would pick him up after work and take him. Of course i said yes. i have no idea what happened to the car, they've been messing with it trying to get it in shape for the longest time. They want to get another but the time just isn't right for that yet. i know he is beginning to think that everytime he gets one step ahead something happens to knock him four steps back. i worry about him a lot because of his father. i don't want him to give up like his father did. i have read that some, men especially, believe that they are doomed to repeat their father's folly andend up taking their own lives. i don't want that for my son, and i don't know how to prevent it. i would give anything and my arm to make his life peaceful, but i don't know how to kill that demon. It scares me.

Talked to Daughter today too. S.O. had his tests on Tuesday and everything went ok. They are waiting on the results from the doc. She also said she got her meds changed too. Adds another 1/2 pill to the night mixture. i spoke with Auntie Nurse about that, even after all these years, and i KNOW it was nothing i did to contribute to her losing her sight, i can't help but feel guilty.
She is such a good person. i am so lucky she is my daughter. Auntie Nurse said the dose, even with the addition, is still very low. And she is having very few side effects so there is not much to worry about along those lines. The bigger thing is how to get her not to stress out so she is more susceptible to the seizure. Auntie Nurse said maybe she should ask her doc for an anti-anxiety med she can take when she knows she is getting stressed. Sure, sure, another pill in the soup. And i just ragged Mother about how taking medication is not a bad thing. If it helps the quality of your life, you should not feel bad about taking it. And then i bitch because Daughter must take a (figurative) bowl full of meds each day to allow her to have a good quality life. i guess i'm just a born complainer. Nothing satisfies me.

If i were tall, i'd want to be short, if i had black hair i'd want red, if i had brown eyes, i'd want blue. i'm just never satisfied. My bad

Mother and i went shopping yesterday. First to the pet store, then the dress store, then lunch. On the way home i tried to make a doctor's appointment, but the earliest i could get in was in October. And that isn't going to work. Also called the ophthalmologist about an apointment. That was also nearly a fiasco, but i'm willing to see any one so i set that for July 30.

At the pet store i met up with the son of one of Daugher's ex-relationships. i'm so happy to see it appears son is cut from a whole 'nuther bolt of cloth than dad. He doesn't even want to haev anything to do with dad anymore and all i can say is more power to him. He is married now, has two children, and seems to have a work ethic that is entirely foreign to his father. He's he'd a the same job for nearly two years. His step sister is on the road to hell and i fully expect her to end up in juvie before she hits 16, probably pregnant the second time before then too. She is living with her dad, the state took her away from her bio mother because of OUIs so i don't hold out much hope for her. The poor thing only needs love and attention, but living with her father is not going to get her the right kind of either. i'm so glad Daughter is not a part of that mess anymore.

Ellen stopped by last night after work. We are going to go out for dinner about 5 then meet up with Connie about 6:30. Don't know if Mother will come with us to Connie, but i suppose that will be alright. Ellen said John is getting a checking account of his own, and she doesn't like that idea much. She hopes it doesn't indicate anything future plans. i don't see it, but John has always been quiet, so i really don't know. My belief is they are finally in a place where she can save most of her money and this is his way of telling her that. i say she should buy a boat. Then see how he feels about separate checking accounts.

i tried to see the kids yesterday, but when i called there was no answer. Daughter-in-law has today off also, so we may try that one again today.

i miss Master. i've been reading the goings on on the list. Seems people allow themselves to get all het up by someone they don't even know. Doesn't make sense to me. Just because one person says it's so, and uses pseudoscientific terms, and presents ideas in a way that is quite eloquent, doesn't make it so. i have never understood the need to explain or try to convince another of something that is so far down on the scale of priorities in life as to lose one's temper. i can understand how one would feel condescended to by the way another writes, but sheesh, if that's what rows someone's boat what does it matter? it's always good for a laugh a few days later, no matter what the outcome of the discussion. Apparently some people need to feel right to feel validated. Too bad when two some peoples get on the same topic. Sister's husband tried to get into that one with me once. He was wrong, i told him he was wrong, this was one area in which i had more experience than he, but he wasn't going to accept my word. Ok by me, it was not a life threatening sort of thing and he is entitled to his opinion. Someday he will meet up with someone else who knows he is wrong. Maybe that person will have enough clout with him to make him see the error of his thinking. Then again, maybe not. Who cares?

i've been trying to find a ticket to South Carolina. Ellen says John has done their last ones to Albany over the net. i tried last night and couldn't find anything suitable. She said airlines are no longer subsidizing travel agents so tickets have an added handling fee. BAh! i really really want to drive, but am having trouble justifying to myself the cost of driving versus the cost of flying, and Woowoo said she would pick me up at the airport. i guess i'll go struggle with the ticket thing again. Maybe i can take a train.

We got her computer back yesterday afternoon. i'm not sure it's completely repaired, the fatal error message still comes up, but so far it has only happened once. The shop reformatted her hard drive. It does run much faster now, i have to say that, the the fatal message error bothers me. she'll have to call the shop tomorrow and talk to them about it. i don't know how they can get it into Ames to have it checked again. Maybe she can just get them to commit to the fact that it was there and next month when i come back we can take it in again. Who knows.

It seems ages since i've spoken with Master. i sort of expected to catch Him on the computer this morning. Maybe He had something after work. i'm sure i'll be able to talk with Him today sometime. i hope, i hope.

i've been having a really nice visit with the Daughter. i'm so proud of her. She amazes me in with what all she does for him. Sometimes he gets on my nerves a bit. i know he's not lazy and i know he is a worrier, some of it is his meds, and some of it is genes, but i really have to give Daughter credit for being able to deal with him so well. He needs care, and she is certainly able and willing to give it. And i know he knows just how lucky he is to have her. Personally, i think she could do better if she wanted, or if something happened to him, but for now she needs to be a care giver and she is doing a very fine job of it.

i am so lucky that i have two amazing children. And so proud to say i would like them even if they weren't mine. Some people aren't that lucky, i think, and i am ever so grateful that i am. They grew up to be fine adults in spite of me for a mother. i must have done something right. Being a parent was not an easy job for me. It didn't come naturally to me as it did to some of my friends. If i believed in reincarnation, i would think this is the first life i ever had children. i'm glad i managed to get two keepers, because i wouldn't do it again for all the money in the world.

Well, i have hit the big three now, so i can say i have shopped. Daughter, S.O. and i went to KMart on Tuesday, Target on Thursday, and yesterday she and i went to Wal Mart. Yowzzah! Apparently women who shop at these stores in Iowa never wear dresses. We sort of schmoozed through the clothing departments of all three of them and i didn't see one dress. Saw several skirts with matching blouses, but not one dress. Oh well, my favorite shop in my hometown will be having it's end of summer sale. i always manage to find lots and lots of things there.

Today i think we are going to take a drive down some country roads. S.O. doesn't get such a kick out of that and i guess i can understand, not being able to see what's out there. But Daughter is in the same boat and she likes to ride. Perhaps it's how they were raised. For us, Sunday afternoon road trips with a picnic lunch were a treat. The kids and i discovered all sorts of neat places on the average Sunday afternoon. i want to get some pictures of the land in Iowa. Most of my students haven't seen so much green in one place at one time. Maybe just to be nasty, i'll take a picture or two of the odd hog. That should be some fun.

Tomorrow Son is coming down to get me and take me back to Mother's. It will be nice to have him for myself for a few hours. i don't seem to be able to spend so much time with him when i'm home. He has responsibilities of family, and that gets in the way. i like his wife and her children very much, but sometimes i just want to be with him. He took his dad's death very hard and i have yet to make sure for myself that he has come to terms with it. The trip back tomorrow may provide that chance.