A practice rant

i strongly resent the attitude you displayed toward me this morning. i did nothing to deserve the tone of your tone of voice. i wholeheartedly agree to the changes you are making in the course. Because of this, the whole direction is new and i deserve the same considerations as the new teachers as regards the information you give out to them. i have never been anything but a friend to you and done everything within my ability to help with the problems you've had with the university. i will not make a big deal of it, but if you continue to be rude, i will have no choice but to agree with the rest of the teachers in the unit that you are a rude, obnoxious bore. In other words, bitch, don't dis me again, or your history.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program as someone would say.

Funny i don't feel any better after that one. i may have to try it again. Why is it i can say it so damned well in my mind on my way home from work but i can't seem to get the right tone when i put it down on paper?

i will speak to her tomorrow at 10. The stoopid bitch.

vent again

Damn, i thought i had it while i was ironing my clothes for tomorrow, and now that' i'm here, i've lost it.

Ok, tomorrow when she comes in at 10. If she doesn't i'll send for her.
or maybe i won't. And when she asks or makes some allusion to the scheduled meeting, i'll tell her i've decided to let it pass. i will tell her i know she is sometimes rude without intention, and i was wrong to take offense at it. That is just the way she is, rude, and insensitive. i'll tell her she should probably work on that because there will come a time when her rude behavior will get her in trouble.

Or, i will tell her that i have no interest in either of the two new male teachers. She can have an open field. She has no fear of competition from me. Not that either of them would want her. She's rude.

Or, i will could tell her that if she isn't willing to share the information about the course to all of the teachers, perhaps she should rethink being the coordinator. It is, after all, a coordinated course and we all should have access to the same materials. It can be our descretion as to how we use the material, but we should have it.

Or i could just tell to get off her high horse and get her shit together. i can remind her that she has more to do than try to get into one of these guys' pants. She is responsible for spearheading a unit of the book and to my knowledge she hasn't started it. Actually she is responsible for parts of two units. Hmmm, i wonder what she is doing now?

i do believe it is about time to remind all that we are on a schedule and i have seen nothing of the next units. hmmmmm.

the real entry for saturday, october 19

My brother will be home this weekend. He has/had a meeting in Chicago and built in the weekend home with Mother. That's nice. i think son will get to see his uncle. It will be the first time in a long time. i can't even remember how many years. It has to be over 5. It's been even longer since my brother has seen Daughter. Ah well, life goes on.

i am going to have to ask Master for some talk time. i hate that she is getting to me this way. i hate that i am thinking of petty ways to get even with her for what she did today. On the way home from work today i felt really sad. i have no close female friends here anymore.

It has nothing to do with my life as a slave. Master is very encouraging and open about allowing me friends. My life is very sheltered. Not because of who i am, more because of where i am. It is very difficult to be friends with a woman of islam. The thing i worried about before taking this position has happened. Because of my job i feel i need to step away from the women at work. i don't want to appear to be playing favorites at any time. And if i am close to them, they expect to be let in on all that goes on with the Deans and such. Sometimes that just can't happen. Then there are some who get all bent out of shape because they don't know 'everything' first.

i'm not having a pity party here. i have Master. i asked Him the other night if He felt we spent too much time together. His answer was no, just the right amount of time. i have no desire to be anyplace but with Him. But i do sometimes miss the companionship of a woman. Master is good, but He doesn't think like a woman.

i stood up to the Dean today. He probably isn't happy about it, but in the long run i know i'm right. i hate operating at the crisis level. If he would just give me more than a nano second to get what he wants ready to present to FoM, we'd all be better off. i mentioned this to the VDAA and he laughed and said he's been working with this mindset ever since he came to this university. i created a document in a morning that normally takes two weeks to put together. i don't like to put things out under my name that i don't feel is my best work. Today i was forced to do my best under pressure. Because of that, i was not prepared for teaching. On top of that, i was late by nearly 30 minutes. This can't happen again. My teaching is most important to me. Far more important than administrative shit.