the real entry for saturday, october 19
Oct. 19th, 2002 08:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jdmkleinMy brother will be home this weekend. He has/had a meeting in Chicago and built in the weekend home with Mother. That's nice. i think son will get to see his uncle. It will be the first time in a long time. i can't even remember how many years. It has to be over 5. It's been even longer since my brother has seen Daughter. Ah well, life goes on.
i am going to have to ask Master for some talk time. i hate that she is getting to me this way. i hate that i am thinking of petty ways to get even with her for what she did today. On the way home from work today i felt really sad. i have no close female friends here anymore.
It has nothing to do with my life as a slave. Master is very encouraging and open about allowing me friends. My life is very sheltered. Not because of who i am, more because of where i am. It is very difficult to be friends with a woman of islam. The thing i worried about before taking this position has happened. Because of my job i feel i need to step away from the women at work. i don't want to appear to be playing favorites at any time. And if i am close to them, they expect to be let in on all that goes on with the Deans and such. Sometimes that just can't happen. Then there are some who get all bent out of shape because they don't know 'everything' first.
i'm not having a pity party here. i have Master. i asked Him the other night if He felt we spent too much time together. His answer was no, just the right amount of time. i have no desire to be anyplace but with Him. But i do sometimes miss the companionship of a woman. Master is good, but He doesn't think like a woman.
i stood up to the Dean today. He probably isn't happy about it, but in the long run i know i'm right. i hate operating at the crisis level. If he would just give me more than a nano second to get what he wants ready to present to FoM, we'd all be better off. i mentioned this to the VDAA and he laughed and said he's been working with this mindset ever since he came to this university. i created a document in a morning that normally takes two weeks to put together. i don't like to put things out under my name that i don't feel is my best work. Today i was forced to do my best under pressure. Because of that, i was not prepared for teaching. On top of that, i was late by nearly 30 minutes. This can't happen again. My teaching is most important to me. Far more important than administrative shit.
i am going to have to ask Master for some talk time. i hate that she is getting to me this way. i hate that i am thinking of petty ways to get even with her for what she did today. On the way home from work today i felt really sad. i have no close female friends here anymore.
It has nothing to do with my life as a slave. Master is very encouraging and open about allowing me friends. My life is very sheltered. Not because of who i am, more because of where i am. It is very difficult to be friends with a woman of islam. The thing i worried about before taking this position has happened. Because of my job i feel i need to step away from the women at work. i don't want to appear to be playing favorites at any time. And if i am close to them, they expect to be let in on all that goes on with the Deans and such. Sometimes that just can't happen. Then there are some who get all bent out of shape because they don't know 'everything' first.
i'm not having a pity party here. i have Master. i asked Him the other night if He felt we spent too much time together. His answer was no, just the right amount of time. i have no desire to be anyplace but with Him. But i do sometimes miss the companionship of a woman. Master is good, but He doesn't think like a woman.
i stood up to the Dean today. He probably isn't happy about it, but in the long run i know i'm right. i hate operating at the crisis level. If he would just give me more than a nano second to get what he wants ready to present to FoM, we'd all be better off. i mentioned this to the VDAA and he laughed and said he's been working with this mindset ever since he came to this university. i created a document in a morning that normally takes two weeks to put together. i don't like to put things out under my name that i don't feel is my best work. Today i was forced to do my best under pressure. Because of that, i was not prepared for teaching. On top of that, i was late by nearly 30 minutes. This can't happen again. My teaching is most important to me. Far more important than administrative shit.
