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Feb. 9th, 2005 07:26 amIt is curious how a small change in the landscape can create substantial changes in my outlook on life. Five days ago the big navy boat was out front. i am using big as a relative term. Four days ago that boat was replaced by a smaller one. At the time i mentioned to Master that the threat level must have been lowered and that was that. Yesterday, while dog and i were out taking the morning survey of our slice of the world, i noticed the smaller boat was still there. By early afternoon, however, it was gone. i did not see it go. i was home all day and for most of the morning i was in the front room with a full view of the boat and surrounding ocean. i am not as observant as i would like to think, apparently. The rest of the day i was uneasy. i know the chance of something terrible happening with or without that navy ship anchored in front of the place i live is remote. i know that as surely as i know today is February 9, 2005. But, looking out and seeing something that has been a part of my life almost daily for the past 2 years not there was very unsettling. Later, before sunset, i looked out again and saw a much much smaller boat tied up to the anchor buoy. From this distance it appeared to be about the size of a large pleasure boat, something a family would take out for a day on the water.
The regular boat is armed. i have scanned it through the binocs. Master has explained to me the types and uses for the guns i can see. He has also explained that based on what we can see, we can be fairly certain there are more ordnance we can't see. i think i am using those terms correctly. The smaller boat has two mounted guns and the smallest boat has none that i can see. But i felt more at ease knowing the smaller apparently unarmed boat was out there. This morning the middle-sized boat is back on guard, and i feel protected. Funny how one small thing like that can change my whole attitude.
i try to wave and smile when i pass the security people in this country. Sometimes i silently curse them, like yesterday when i took Maxie out for his run. i had to change our normal route because there was a checkpoint and i didn't have my papers with me. A minor inconvenience. i had to make a two block detour. i'm fairly certain the officers would have let me through, or maybe not even bothered to stop me at all because of the dog in the car. They may have made me go back for my documents but that is all, unless of course one of them wanted language teaching. But i take a large dose of comfort in the fact that the security forces are being visible. (Of course, i probably should wonder why i see them in my neighborhood. Does this area harbor insurgents? Did those horrid children who spat on me last year suddenly grow up to be builders of IEDs? Is this ghetto in which i live a hiding place for trouble makers?) No matter, i do appreciate the fact that there is a visible security presence. It would be nice if there were no need, but i am happy the government feels the need to protect 'us', infidels that we are.
Another thought:
No, that one will be saved for later. It needs time to develop.
A different other thought:
Today marks the anniversary of my giving up control. Six years ago today i signed the first of two contracts. Five years ago today i signed the last contract. Since four years ago today there has been no contract. Master felt there was no longer a need. i see questions on lists about this or that aspect of the larger group of people who live the way we live: What is service, what is training, what is leather, who should sleep in whose bed, how many lashes with a bull-whip are enough to prove a good slave, what is the best way to present? i don't understand that. Why do people feel the need to question such things? Do they want so much to be a part of a larger group that there have to be rules or guidelines for their lives? Do they not have faith in their own personalities, in who they are? Master and i are what we are. Some days it's easier than others. Some days i feel misused. Some days, i imagine, He wonders why He ever took me. (Although, good woman that i am, i'm sure those days are few and far between.) Maybe i should stop reading lists.
He won't be here tonight. My plan for tomorrow night and Friday are to be His fantasy slave. *Nekkid, cuffed, and on my knees, feeding Him peeled grapes and serving Him tulips of champaign.* At His beck and call, with no 'wait one, please' as i finish pouring myself a cup of coffee. This weekend is all about Him. Oh, wait, and this is different from other weekends....how? (See *...*.) i have no idea what His plan is. i'm sure He has one. He is much better at secret keeping than i.
The sun is shining now. i can get on with my day.
The regular boat is armed. i have scanned it through the binocs. Master has explained to me the types and uses for the guns i can see. He has also explained that based on what we can see, we can be fairly certain there are more ordnance we can't see. i think i am using those terms correctly. The smaller boat has two mounted guns and the smallest boat has none that i can see. But i felt more at ease knowing the smaller apparently unarmed boat was out there. This morning the middle-sized boat is back on guard, and i feel protected. Funny how one small thing like that can change my whole attitude.
i try to wave and smile when i pass the security people in this country. Sometimes i silently curse them, like yesterday when i took Maxie out for his run. i had to change our normal route because there was a checkpoint and i didn't have my papers with me. A minor inconvenience. i had to make a two block detour. i'm fairly certain the officers would have let me through, or maybe not even bothered to stop me at all because of the dog in the car. They may have made me go back for my documents but that is all, unless of course one of them wanted language teaching. But i take a large dose of comfort in the fact that the security forces are being visible. (Of course, i probably should wonder why i see them in my neighborhood. Does this area harbor insurgents? Did those horrid children who spat on me last year suddenly grow up to be builders of IEDs? Is this ghetto in which i live a hiding place for trouble makers?) No matter, i do appreciate the fact that there is a visible security presence. It would be nice if there were no need, but i am happy the government feels the need to protect 'us', infidels that we are.
Another thought:
No, that one will be saved for later. It needs time to develop.
A different other thought:
Today marks the anniversary of my giving up control. Six years ago today i signed the first of two contracts. Five years ago today i signed the last contract. Since four years ago today there has been no contract. Master felt there was no longer a need. i see questions on lists about this or that aspect of the larger group of people who live the way we live: What is service, what is training, what is leather, who should sleep in whose bed, how many lashes with a bull-whip are enough to prove a good slave, what is the best way to present? i don't understand that. Why do people feel the need to question such things? Do they want so much to be a part of a larger group that there have to be rules or guidelines for their lives? Do they not have faith in their own personalities, in who they are? Master and i are what we are. Some days it's easier than others. Some days i feel misused. Some days, i imagine, He wonders why He ever took me. (Although, good woman that i am, i'm sure those days are few and far between.) Maybe i should stop reading lists.
He won't be here tonight. My plan for tomorrow night and Friday are to be His fantasy slave. *Nekkid, cuffed, and on my knees, feeding Him peeled grapes and serving Him tulips of champaign.* At His beck and call, with no 'wait one, please' as i finish pouring myself a cup of coffee. This weekend is all about Him. Oh, wait, and this is different from other weekends....how? (See *...*.) i have no idea what His plan is. i'm sure He has one. He is much better at secret keeping than i.
The sun is shining now. i can get on with my day.
