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Feb. 5th, 2005 11:38 ami really thought we were going to get to spend at least the morning together today, but that didn't happen. He left for up north about 10:15. He expects to be back tonight. i am not happy about that only because that means He has had to make the trip up and back in one day, and then up again all within a 30 hr. time frame. The trip isn't so long distance-wise, but there is about a 40 minute stress zone. Once He is through that, i feel safe for Him.
We have an anniversary coming up this week. Six years on Wednesday He has had control. Life is easier now than it was in the beginning because i know what is expected of me. i made the mistake at the outset to work to be the perfect one for Him. i have done such a good job that He has very little to do. Which makes me sometimes feel that there is no overt control. Life goes on in its way because that is the way we have always done things. Life is easy for Him because i am always there doing the taking care of. It is easy for me because i know what He wants and likes and He is a creature of habit. What He wants, He wants, when He wants it. Not sooner, not later, but when He wants it. My life is routine and boring. i am not complaining. Maybe i am. i have said this before. By striving to be low maintenance i have made myself no maintenance. On bad days i seriously wonder just what the heck it is i am getting out of this relationship. And what it is He is giving. Most days i know, but some days i question. Not today, nor even this past weekend. We had some seriously good time. i appreciate that more than i can say. He makes my heart feel light and happy. And i am secure in knowing that i do the same for Him.
He calls to hear my voice. He wakes me in the night by touching me. i ask what if something is wrong, He says no, He just likes to touch me. i know He misses me as much as i miss Him when we are apart. i have to think of some way to show Him how much He means to me, and how much i value our life together.
We have an anniversary coming up this week. Six years on Wednesday He has had control. Life is easier now than it was in the beginning because i know what is expected of me. i made the mistake at the outset to work to be the perfect one for Him. i have done such a good job that He has very little to do. Which makes me sometimes feel that there is no overt control. Life goes on in its way because that is the way we have always done things. Life is easy for Him because i am always there doing the taking care of. It is easy for me because i know what He wants and likes and He is a creature of habit. What He wants, He wants, when He wants it. Not sooner, not later, but when He wants it. My life is routine and boring. i am not complaining. Maybe i am. i have said this before. By striving to be low maintenance i have made myself no maintenance. On bad days i seriously wonder just what the heck it is i am getting out of this relationship. And what it is He is giving. Most days i know, but some days i question. Not today, nor even this past weekend. We had some seriously good time. i appreciate that more than i can say. He makes my heart feel light and happy. And i am secure in knowing that i do the same for Him.
He calls to hear my voice. He wakes me in the night by touching me. i ask what if something is wrong, He says no, He just likes to touch me. i know He misses me as much as i miss Him when we are apart. i have to think of some way to show Him how much He means to me, and how much i value our life together.
