(no subject)

Was a busy day yesterday.

Out for lunch, with Mother and Auntie Nurse.

To the doc for Mother, another visit today.

After the doc, got Uncle Professor's car washed. Auntie Nurse promised she would do that if she could use it while he was in San Fran.

Then the annual pilgrimage to the res. to donate my money to the Meskwakis. We could have parked in the 15 minute space, i lost that quickly. Playing the penny slots and i lost it in about 15 minutes. But Mother had fun, Eileen came away a bit richer and i did my annual donation.

Dinner out, salad. i'm trying to be good. Took longer to explain to the waitress what i wanted than it did to eat it. How difficult is a chef's salad with no meat, no cheese, no egg, and dressing on the side? She was nice enough in her confusion, but i was reminded of Jack Nicholson in 5 easy pieces, and the sandwich he tried to order.

Talked to LMSG. Am going to New Jersey in 8 days for a weekend visit. And she doesn't even have to leave the state to pick me up. Great fare, on expedia. First time i have done a ticket that way. Got the last seat on the first leg, only two seats left on the second. Seating choices were a bit better coming back. Eileen is borrowing me her car for the drive to Des Moines. The long term parking may cost more than the ticket. We are going to have a great time. i was so excited i had a hard time sleeping.

Time for the morning swim.

(no subject)

Did i ever mention therapists make me nervous? i have an appointment to go see two of them in the next few weeks. Mother wants me to go with her, and Sarah wants me to go with her. Why am i feeling like i am on trial here? Why am i feeling guilty?

Sarah's therapist sounded really nice over the phone, but i couldn't help but think she was judging me as we talked. She did say she thought Sarah was very bright, just not at an emotional age to match the chronological age. Sarah suffers from the loss of her father. To my way of thinking it was no big loss, but i think he was very selfish and a right cowardly bastard for doing what he did. But then i have not had much like for the man for nearly 30 years.

i told Gail, i didn't much like him, even before he died. When he first left i had really savage dreams about him. i hope this visit doesn't open up that can of worms again.

And i'm a bit concerned about the visit with Mother's counselor. Mother is going into a depression again, and i'm a bit afraid that when she knows the plan i have for Sarah after she dies, Mother may attempt to take her life. Another selfish person. She talks about it a lot lately.