1st entry

i had a dream last night that Master and i had a baby. A darling baby girl. i am too old to have a child, nonetheless, the dream made me a bit sad that this could never happen. It is unusual that i remember dreams at all, but this one must have been a humdinger because it also included Naomi Judd, Jude Law, Scott Glenn, and several others i no longer remember. i don't remember what it was all about, but there was a baby and she was ours.

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Sometimes it takes me so darned long to figure out what is happening. After about three months of waking up with a headache each morning, i have finally decided that i must have a sinus infection. (i hate the thought of needing medical help in this country.) i called the friendly German Speciality Clinic and made an appointment. The nurse first took my b/p with a cuff that was too small. My hand and fingers tingled she had the darned thing blown up so high. Then she decided the cuff was too small and took it off. Even i know that you should not take a b/p from the same arm twice one, right after the other. She did. She put another cuff on, and did it by hand. When the doc asked her what it was, the numbers were way out of kilter for what i have been getting on a regular basis with my home machine. i told the doc i didn't think it was a valid reading because she did it twice to the same arm within seconds of each other. The nurse then proceeded to do everything humanly possible to hurt me. She nearly punctured my eardrum taking my temp. She jammed the tongue depressor down to my navel to get a 'good' look at my tonsils. And, she put slammed the stethascope onto my back so hard it took my breath away. This was all behind the curtain so the doc couldn't see. Lucky me.

i have pills and a puffer for my nose. If i am not feeling better in five days i get to go back for x-rays. Believe me, i won't complain about the tech. i don't want to suffer radiation burns.

i went to the office today for a bit. i wanted to take a little gift to the secretary. Even though she is no longer mine, i want to keep her on my good side. One of the teachers was there working. She commented that it looked like i had lost more weight. i'm afraid she needs glasses. i'm also afraid to get on the scale to see just what damages were done by the German trip. Yesterday and today were better days than the weekend, but i won't weigh myself again until next Saturday. i'm afraid to right now.

Max will be two soon.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my collar. i don't think He remembers, and i have been doing the nasty wife thing. How stoopid! i am not ready to be branded. It saddens me that i am not, but that's the way it goes some times. When the time is right, it will happen, and not one moment sooner. Although tonight at the table i did say to Him that it might be best if we weren't together forever. He would make me die laffing at Him. He was having trouble with His food tonight.

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