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Oct. 25th, 2003 09:23 pmMaster is dominant. i am masochistic. We have been together over 5 years, i have known this the whole time we've been together, but last night i had an epiphany. It finally came to me what this really means. It has made me step back and take a hard look at our relationship.
Today on the way home from the desert we talked about this. He freely admits that if i weren't the masochist, He would not miss giving me the pain. In one respect that hurt a bit. In another, it doesn't really matter to me, because He does give me pain. It has made me understand why He can so easily blow off a promise of pain. i don't mean to say He does it easily, but it is not a high priority for Him. He doesn't need those sadistic feelings to be complete. i, on the other hand, need the pain. And that was a difficult statement to write.
Now the needful is to decide how i am going to live with my new-found information. i may have to re-think my take on a no-love relationship, although why would His doing something nice (give me pain) make me change my mind? Who the hell knows?
Today on the way home from the desert we talked about this. He freely admits that if i weren't the masochist, He would not miss giving me the pain. In one respect that hurt a bit. In another, it doesn't really matter to me, because He does give me pain. It has made me understand why He can so easily blow off a promise of pain. i don't mean to say He does it easily, but it is not a high priority for Him. He doesn't need those sadistic feelings to be complete. i, on the other hand, need the pain. And that was a difficult statement to write.
Now the needful is to decide how i am going to live with my new-found information. i may have to re-think my take on a no-love relationship, although why would His doing something nice (give me pain) make me change my mind? Who the hell knows?
