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some of this and some of that
Oct. 16th, 2003 07:15 pmi wonder if i am harboring much anger. Every once in awhile i have a series of really horrid dreams. They don't come often, and certainly not regularly, perhaps i have had them 5 times in my life.
The dreams aren't always the same, except in the violence and blood and reality of them. The first one i remember having was shortly after i sent my children's father away. i was taking a nap one afternoon and had a dream that was so vivid and real and horrible that when i woke up crying, i wasn't sure it was a dream or not. i called the place where he was working and asked if he was alright. Those people thought i was strange before the divorce so the phone call barely phased them i think.
Several years later i had another one about him. Again, very bloody, very violent, very horrid. There have been others since. Right after i came back from vacation i started having them again. This time not just one, i have had two or three. They are still bloody and violent and horrid, and one was about my mother, another about Master.
It is unusual for me to remember dreams at all, and i don't actually remember what is happening in the dream. i wake up crying, tears streaming down my face, and my recollection is that something horrid has happened. i had to reach over and touch Master to make sure the awakening wasn't the dream. i didn't call home to speak to my mother, because i has spoken to her a few hours before on the computer. It is very unsettling.
With the exception of the kid's father, these are all people i care very deeply about. Why would i have such dreams of them, i wonder. A rhetorical question.
On to more cheery stuff ( Read more... )
The dreams aren't always the same, except in the violence and blood and reality of them. The first one i remember having was shortly after i sent my children's father away. i was taking a nap one afternoon and had a dream that was so vivid and real and horrible that when i woke up crying, i wasn't sure it was a dream or not. i called the place where he was working and asked if he was alright. Those people thought i was strange before the divorce so the phone call barely phased them i think.
Several years later i had another one about him. Again, very bloody, very violent, very horrid. There have been others since. Right after i came back from vacation i started having them again. This time not just one, i have had two or three. They are still bloody and violent and horrid, and one was about my mother, another about Master.
It is unusual for me to remember dreams at all, and i don't actually remember what is happening in the dream. i wake up crying, tears streaming down my face, and my recollection is that something horrid has happened. i had to reach over and touch Master to make sure the awakening wasn't the dream. i didn't call home to speak to my mother, because i has spoken to her a few hours before on the computer. It is very unsettling.
With the exception of the kid's father, these are all people i care very deeply about. Why would i have such dreams of them, i wonder. A rhetorical question.
On to more cheery stuff ( Read more... )
