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Jun. 27th, 2003 08:03 pmWe took Max to a new part of the desert for his run today. Now he has a new name: Max the desert steeplechase running dog. i love to watch him fly over the sand. Chase anything that moves, and put on the skids when something else attracts his eye. He looks as if he is having such a good time. i am happy we can provide a good life for him.
Master and i had a short discussion today. While i was changing the bed linen it occured to me that if He still wants me when we are ready to retire, where will we live? i have been away from my home and family for nearly 14 years. When i go back to the States, i think of going back to them. Realistically, i want to live in Iowa in the winter just about as much as i want another hole in my head, but i do know i don't want to be so far away from them as Texas, if they are all still in Iowa.
i certainly don't want to live in the same town as the mother of His children. He gets along with her very well, she knows about me, but i have a feeling i would be very uncomfortable around her. i don't know if His children know about our relationship or not, i've never asked. So i asked Him about this. where we would live.
He said He didn't want to live too close to His sister. She would pester Him all the time. He asked me how i felt about Oklahoma. i had to say, not fine. He thought a bit and asked about Missouri. That would be better. The matter is not settled, but at least i know He will take my feelings into consideration when the time comes.
And then there are those times when i don't see us being together when we leave here. i don't know how i feel about that. It won't surprise me if it happens. That's the pessimist in me. <![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
veilofire > asked some questions that have made me think about the future. Her questions weren't specific to the future, that's just where my mind went. i am not helpless, there are just times i want to be. i lived without Him for many years. i can do it again. Does this indicate a lack of love for Him? Does this indicate that i still don't know what 'true' love is? Does this indicate i am only in it for the erotic pain? These are the beginnings of repeats of thoughts i've been having for the past several months. Perhaps her question has finally caused the right synapse to fire, and the grey matter will begin churning out the answer. Time will tell.
Master and i had a short discussion today. While i was changing the bed linen it occured to me that if He still wants me when we are ready to retire, where will we live? i have been away from my home and family for nearly 14 years. When i go back to the States, i think of going back to them. Realistically, i want to live in Iowa in the winter just about as much as i want another hole in my head, but i do know i don't want to be so far away from them as Texas, if they are all still in Iowa.
i certainly don't want to live in the same town as the mother of His children. He gets along with her very well, she knows about me, but i have a feeling i would be very uncomfortable around her. i don't know if His children know about our relationship or not, i've never asked. So i asked Him about this. where we would live.
He said He didn't want to live too close to His sister. She would pester Him all the time. He asked me how i felt about Oklahoma. i had to say, not fine. He thought a bit and asked about Missouri. That would be better. The matter is not settled, but at least i know He will take my feelings into consideration when the time comes.
And then there are those times when i don't see us being together when we leave here. i don't know how i feel about that. It won't surprise me if it happens. That's the pessimist in me. <
veilofire > asked some questions that have made me think about the future. Her questions weren't specific to the future, that's just where my mind went. i am not helpless, there are just times i want to be. i lived without Him for many years. i can do it again. Does this indicate a lack of love for Him? Does this indicate that i still don't know what 'true' love is? Does this indicate i am only in it for the erotic pain? These are the beginnings of repeats of thoughts i've been having for the past several months. Perhaps her question has finally caused the right synapse to fire, and the grey matter will begin churning out the answer. Time will tell.
