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Jun. 23rd, 2003 08:58 pmi am waiting for tomorrow with some trepidation. The VDSA wants to talk to me. My secretary says she thinks he wants to apologize. i don't see that happening but i can only think of one other reason for his request. We have been playing a power game. Of course i know we are working from different cultures, but i don't know if he realizes it or if he thinks i am just being a stubborn foolish woman. It has become a matter of principle with me, have i said this before?
When i give my word, i mean it and i do my best to honor it. For him, he gives his word and intends to honor it until the circumstances change. And then he tries to press the issue. i asked for certain things and he gave them too me. Then when the circumstances changed he tried to take back the things he had given. i am doing my damnedest not to let that happen. i believe he is between iraq and a hard place (iraq=a rock, get it?) because the Dean is away. He can't just say the Dean says i have to do this, because he knows as soon as the Dean gets back i will go to him and ask why. He wants to be a good ol' boy to the students, just give them what they want so they won't pressure him and bother him, send them to me, tell them i am the one who is causing the grief for them. He is pressing the point. The students have not come in to cry to me at all. He is the one who is causing the grief and i want it to stop. i don't know what tomorrow will bring. i hope my secretary is right, but i doubt it.
Flash, flash, flash..... Mother informed me tonight she is not the easiest person to live with. This is news??? Flash flash flash, Mother has informed me tonight that Daughter is not the easiest person to live with. This is also news? The two of them are living together. i now it is best for both, so why am i now dreading going home?
i always dread going home it seems. In my mind i have high expectations to live up to and maybe they are only in my mind. That's on a good day. On a not good day, i can manage to convince myself that my sibs and parent think i am a worthless piece of human excrement because i have abandoned my son and daughter by moving out of the country.
Is it obvious that i am in a funk?
When i give my word, i mean it and i do my best to honor it. For him, he gives his word and intends to honor it until the circumstances change. And then he tries to press the issue. i asked for certain things and he gave them too me. Then when the circumstances changed he tried to take back the things he had given. i am doing my damnedest not to let that happen. i believe he is between iraq and a hard place (iraq=a rock, get it?) because the Dean is away. He can't just say the Dean says i have to do this, because he knows as soon as the Dean gets back i will go to him and ask why. He wants to be a good ol' boy to the students, just give them what they want so they won't pressure him and bother him, send them to me, tell them i am the one who is causing the grief for them. He is pressing the point. The students have not come in to cry to me at all. He is the one who is causing the grief and i want it to stop. i don't know what tomorrow will bring. i hope my secretary is right, but i doubt it.
Flash, flash, flash..... Mother informed me tonight she is not the easiest person to live with. This is news??? Flash flash flash, Mother has informed me tonight that Daughter is not the easiest person to live with. This is also news? The two of them are living together. i now it is best for both, so why am i now dreading going home?
i always dread going home it seems. In my mind i have high expectations to live up to and maybe they are only in my mind. That's on a good day. On a not good day, i can manage to convince myself that my sibs and parent think i am a worthless piece of human excrement because i have abandoned my son and daughter by moving out of the country.
Is it obvious that i am in a funk?
