(no subject)

Next week, Thursday, after Michele is at the airport. That's the next training day. Last night i finally got around to asking about it. i knew it couldn't happen today because of the party, and it wouldn't happen on Friday because of work the next day. He said it's been on His mind for a long time, now too, but there never seems to be enough time.

i wonder about that. i read about people saying that life gets in the way, but i wonder if that is what really happens. Or is it more of a 'this is not a top priority' kind of thing, or an 'i don't much feel like it' kind of thing.

i have discovered that this is my life. i don't put it away when i go to work, or when i'm out with the girls, or home away from Master. i am His slave all the time. i am prepared to serve Him any time. It doesn't matter what i am doing, i stop when He calls. He is the most important thing in my life. More important than my children, my mother, my sibs, or best friends. He calls, i answer, that is all there is to it.

Since that is the case with me, and since He knows it is His responsibility to take care of me, why am i not top priority? He knows that i need to be beaten. He knows that i need the humiliation. He knows i need the edge play, i need to be restrained. He knows this, yet He is willing to let it go unanswered for long periods of time. Why is that is what i want to know?

This has nothing to do with who holds the power or who has the control. This has everything to do with responsibility. It is His responsibility to take care of my needs. He is the most important thing in my life. i'm not sure i am the most important thing in His.

Hmm. We shall have to discuss this, Charlotte.