on being owned
May. 17th, 2002 09:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jdmkleinThis morning Master asked me if i enjoyed being His slave and being owned. i don't think enjoy is the correct word to use. ive spent the rest of this day trying to figure out just how i feel.
These are the things i know are true about my relationship with Master:
i am more content than i have been ever in my life. When i was a child i was always restless. i had to be doing something all the time, and what i was doing was never what i wanted to be doing. Now i am completely content to spend the rest of my time with Master. i don't look at someplace else or something else and wonder what if.
i am more satisfied with myself. Most of my life i wanted to be something else. i was fairly popular in school, always had friends to talk to and mess around with. i had my share of dates in high school. The friends i had were not the ones i wanted to be friends with. The dates were the same way. i only went steady with two boys besides my husband because i was not satisfied with who/what they were. Master is everything i want. i look at other men, i know several men, there is no desire of any kind to become closer to them. i like men, and now the men i know i only want as friends. i have Master for everything else.
i feel safe. i am certain Master will be able to protect me from anything. i know this beyond and doubt. If there is a war in the part of the world, Master will see to it that i am safe from harm. If there is something edgy Master wants to try, i have no fear of being hurt. He knows me, and what i am capable of handling. He knows how to push any limits i still have and not frighten me. i know He will not let anything happen. On some lists i read, there are the 'what if' threads. i can't answer them because for me there is no what if.
Master provides the structure i need in my life. For a long time i felt i was flying aimlessly with no goal in my life. With Master i have the structure i need. i don't need guidance. That isn't what He provides. He keeps me from flying off the earth into space. The structure He provides for me, allows me to do what i can and not worry about what i can't. He has set my limits and i don't need to worry any more about it.
i know i have not completely surrendered to Him. i fight some of the restraints, both physical and emotional, that He puts on me. i know that i am like a child, testing to see just how far i can go. i am doing less and less of this now, because i know He wil always respond the way He says He will.
Because i haven't completely surrendered there is still some unrest in my life. Once i can totally give up control, i believe i will be able to enjoy being owned with abandon. i don't understand why i can't do it. i want to, but there is that part of me that is not yet willing to let go. And because of this, there are days when i am completely miserable.
Being owned is hard work. i don't enjoy hard work. Nobody i know enjoys hard work. i do enjoy the feeling i have when the work is done. There is a feeling of accomplishment. Of satisfaction in a job attempted and completed satisfactorily. i like the praise i get from Master when i have done something good, right, appropriately, whatever. i know i need to be owned. Being owned makes me feel alive. Just like i know i need to exercise because it makes me feel alive, too.
i don't enjoy being owned, but it is necessary for me. i don't enjoy wearing glasses but they are necessary for me. Wearing glasses makes me a better person, i'm not as likely to drive my car into a pedestrian or another car, because the glasses allow me to see clearly. Being owned also makes me a better person too. Because being owned keeps me square on the earth.
i don't enjoy being owned. i don't believe any sane person enjoys the idea of someone else being in charge of their life. i accept it. That's it. i accept being owned, just as i accept wearing glasses. That's it. For me, being owned is a fact of life. It is not good or bad, it just is.
These are the things i know are true about my relationship with Master:
i am more content than i have been ever in my life. When i was a child i was always restless. i had to be doing something all the time, and what i was doing was never what i wanted to be doing. Now i am completely content to spend the rest of my time with Master. i don't look at someplace else or something else and wonder what if.
i am more satisfied with myself. Most of my life i wanted to be something else. i was fairly popular in school, always had friends to talk to and mess around with. i had my share of dates in high school. The friends i had were not the ones i wanted to be friends with. The dates were the same way. i only went steady with two boys besides my husband because i was not satisfied with who/what they were. Master is everything i want. i look at other men, i know several men, there is no desire of any kind to become closer to them. i like men, and now the men i know i only want as friends. i have Master for everything else.
i feel safe. i am certain Master will be able to protect me from anything. i know this beyond and doubt. If there is a war in the part of the world, Master will see to it that i am safe from harm. If there is something edgy Master wants to try, i have no fear of being hurt. He knows me, and what i am capable of handling. He knows how to push any limits i still have and not frighten me. i know He will not let anything happen. On some lists i read, there are the 'what if' threads. i can't answer them because for me there is no what if.
Master provides the structure i need in my life. For a long time i felt i was flying aimlessly with no goal in my life. With Master i have the structure i need. i don't need guidance. That isn't what He provides. He keeps me from flying off the earth into space. The structure He provides for me, allows me to do what i can and not worry about what i can't. He has set my limits and i don't need to worry any more about it.
i know i have not completely surrendered to Him. i fight some of the restraints, both physical and emotional, that He puts on me. i know that i am like a child, testing to see just how far i can go. i am doing less and less of this now, because i know He wil always respond the way He says He will.
Because i haven't completely surrendered there is still some unrest in my life. Once i can totally give up control, i believe i will be able to enjoy being owned with abandon. i don't understand why i can't do it. i want to, but there is that part of me that is not yet willing to let go. And because of this, there are days when i am completely miserable.
Being owned is hard work. i don't enjoy hard work. Nobody i know enjoys hard work. i do enjoy the feeling i have when the work is done. There is a feeling of accomplishment. Of satisfaction in a job attempted and completed satisfactorily. i like the praise i get from Master when i have done something good, right, appropriately, whatever. i know i need to be owned. Being owned makes me feel alive. Just like i know i need to exercise because it makes me feel alive, too.
i don't enjoy being owned, but it is necessary for me. i don't enjoy wearing glasses but they are necessary for me. Wearing glasses makes me a better person, i'm not as likely to drive my car into a pedestrian or another car, because the glasses allow me to see clearly. Being owned also makes me a better person too. Because being owned keeps me square on the earth.
i don't enjoy being owned. i don't believe any sane person enjoys the idea of someone else being in charge of their life. i accept it. That's it. i accept being owned, just as i accept wearing glasses. That's it. For me, being owned is a fact of life. It is not good or bad, it just is.
