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Jan. 2nd, 2004 08:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jdmkleinThis morning at 3:05 the apartment complex lost power. The deafening silence woke me. It didn't come back on until nearly 9. Tonight as i was talking with Sarah, the power went out again. Right now, our apartment is the only one with electricity. Maybe it's because we have lived in the complex the longest. We have seniority. Master is getting the car out of the car park. It's underground. He doesn't want us to be stuck trying to get to work in the morning. Good thinkin' i say.
i have two New Year's Resolutions, well three actually. The first is one i have been working on already, it is to keep releasing weight. A friend of mine told me don't say lost. You might find it again. Say released. That way it is let go and won't come back. It is going slow but it is going.
The second is to find a female friend. i need someone to talk with face to face. This is Master's orders. It will be difficult, on several fronts. i don't make friends easily, i'm shy about initiating conversations with anyone. Conversations that get started may be difficult to continue if the new person isn't aware of tne nature of my relationship with Master, there will be some topics that can't be discussed. Another reason may sound snobbish, but it is the truth. It has been my experience that most of the ex-pat women over here are not very highly educated. Their husbands have technical jobs which don't require a university degree. Many of their wives are high school graduates only. i'm not putting anyone down, but if there is no common ground, what is there to start a friendship? Many other women are here because their husbands management positions. They have expense accounts, and don't need to work, spend most of their time either shopping, planning the next shopping expedition, or talking about the last one. Again, if there is no common ground, what is there to build on? This was part of the talk we had last night. Master has said i must, so i will make every effort to do so.
The third is also a result of the talk. i must learn to either bite my tongue more quickly, or be willing to say what is on the tip of it. Master has noticed that i will say something He doesn't hear, or start to say something and then stop. He asks, and i say it isn't important. He wants me to stop that. i didn't make excuses for doing it, i told Him why. It all get complicated. Master and i disagree on many things. And things we don't disagree on, we don't see eye-to-eye. He will make a comment that i find i cannot agree with, and sometimes i am tempted to make reply. But if i reply, that means the conversation will continue, and i am not a debator. It is easier for me to keep my mouth shut on some topics than to voice my opinion and continue in a conversation i am not comfortable with. Master wants me to say what i think or not say anything. But i am not to say never mind, it isn't important anymore. This will be a toughie. i will do my best.
We are in the process of taking down the holiday things. The tree is undecorated and all apart, the pieces laying on the floor, waiting to be boxed. That will happen tomorrow i think. Sometimes i jokingly tease Master that He has ADAHD or whatever that kids' disease of the day is. He gets bored doing one thing for any period of time. He moves from chore to chore, not getting one completed before moving on to another. i am just the exact opposite. i want to finish one thing before i start another. i like order in my life, He, i sometimes think, likes chaos. He likes me to finish what i am doing before moving on to something else, but when we work together, we hop from the patio to the tree to laundry to the car to the patio to the tree to the computer to the laundry and back again. i have learned to accept this. It's not the way i would run the relationship if i were dominant, but i'm not and that's that.
i often seem to be complaining when i write here. i'm not, well sometimes i am, but most of the time i'm not. This is my private place. i write here without fear of reprisal. Master told me that when i got this, and He has been good on His word. i know He reads it, but not once has He made any comment on anything in here. i know He uses what i write here, i've seen that, but He never comments on it one way or t'other. Pretty remarkable i say.
i have two New Year's Resolutions, well three actually. The first is one i have been working on already, it is to keep releasing weight. A friend of mine told me don't say lost. You might find it again. Say released. That way it is let go and won't come back. It is going slow but it is going.
The second is to find a female friend. i need someone to talk with face to face. This is Master's orders. It will be difficult, on several fronts. i don't make friends easily, i'm shy about initiating conversations with anyone. Conversations that get started may be difficult to continue if the new person isn't aware of tne nature of my relationship with Master, there will be some topics that can't be discussed. Another reason may sound snobbish, but it is the truth. It has been my experience that most of the ex-pat women over here are not very highly educated. Their husbands have technical jobs which don't require a university degree. Many of their wives are high school graduates only. i'm not putting anyone down, but if there is no common ground, what is there to start a friendship? Many other women are here because their husbands management positions. They have expense accounts, and don't need to work, spend most of their time either shopping, planning the next shopping expedition, or talking about the last one. Again, if there is no common ground, what is there to build on? This was part of the talk we had last night. Master has said i must, so i will make every effort to do so.
The third is also a result of the talk. i must learn to either bite my tongue more quickly, or be willing to say what is on the tip of it. Master has noticed that i will say something He doesn't hear, or start to say something and then stop. He asks, and i say it isn't important. He wants me to stop that. i didn't make excuses for doing it, i told Him why. It all get complicated. Master and i disagree on many things. And things we don't disagree on, we don't see eye-to-eye. He will make a comment that i find i cannot agree with, and sometimes i am tempted to make reply. But if i reply, that means the conversation will continue, and i am not a debator. It is easier for me to keep my mouth shut on some topics than to voice my opinion and continue in a conversation i am not comfortable with. Master wants me to say what i think or not say anything. But i am not to say never mind, it isn't important anymore. This will be a toughie. i will do my best.
We are in the process of taking down the holiday things. The tree is undecorated and all apart, the pieces laying on the floor, waiting to be boxed. That will happen tomorrow i think. Sometimes i jokingly tease Master that He has ADAHD or whatever that kids' disease of the day is. He gets bored doing one thing for any period of time. He moves from chore to chore, not getting one completed before moving on to another. i am just the exact opposite. i want to finish one thing before i start another. i like order in my life, He, i sometimes think, likes chaos. He likes me to finish what i am doing before moving on to something else, but when we work together, we hop from the patio to the tree to laundry to the car to the patio to the tree to the computer to the laundry and back again. i have learned to accept this. It's not the way i would run the relationship if i were dominant, but i'm not and that's that.
i often seem to be complaining when i write here. i'm not, well sometimes i am, but most of the time i'm not. This is my private place. i write here without fear of reprisal. Master told me that when i got this, and He has been good on His word. i know He reads it, but not once has He made any comment on anything in here. i know He uses what i write here, i've seen that, but He never comments on it one way or t'other. Pretty remarkable i say.
