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jdmkleini'm fussy today and i don't know why. i can hardly stay inside my skin. Absolutely everything has irritated me since i got home. i don't have a clue what is causing this. It's sort of an anxiety attack, but not really. It's sort of an anger, but again, not really. It's sort of a sadness, but NOT REALLY!
i do have an inkling as to what may be causing this, i lied. Yesterday i was told that i am being called the instigator of what is going on with the HSC course. The story is that i'm responsible for the resit of the mid semester exam. i'm the one who instigated the student strike. i am the one who is spreading rumors about what is going to happen to the merger of the FoM and our Faculty. i am making up all these lies and accusations because i want to make someone look bad and lose her job.
It would be funny if it weren't so darned far out wrong. i don't have to make that someone look bad. That someone is doing a darned good job without my help. Perhaps it is upsetting me more than i realize or more than i am willing to admit. For the life of me, that is the only thing i can think of that could be making my body feel this way. And i don't know what to do about it.
If i leave it alone, it will go away. i know that. But what damage will it have done to me by the time it does leave. i am not going to respond to the accusations. Master did mention He knew a place out in the desert where a shallow grave could be dug and no one would be the wiser. That is a joke. i am not going to lower myself to that level. i have nothing to defend.
i'm not even angry that this stuff is going around. i know the person has reached the Peter Principle and is in way over hir (thank you, Heather, for the spellings) head. i know this person has lost control and is doing anything to save hir skin. i guess this person is feeling stressed at the mess that is over there. That particular universe is in total chaos. The teachers over there don't talk to each other anymore because no one is sure who is in what camp. And it's that person's fault.
What i am is sad. i can't imagine what is going in this person's head that would enable hir to be so mean. And i can't imagine what it will be like when the shit hits hir fan and this person is standing in front of it. How sad must this person's life be. How close to the edge must this person be to be willing to say these things....not about me particularly but these things in general.
i am not adapting a holier-than-thou attitude. i just am not going to respond. it is not worth my time or effort. At the end of it all, i will be the one standing. This person won't be.But what makes one human so cruel to another? So evil? So full of rage, and unwilling to accept responsibility for it? Or for the situation that got hir into this spot in the first place? This person got a taste of perceived power and it corrupted this person.
i hate to say this, but i do believe the world would be a better place without hir.
This may be the cause of my distress, but i don't understand why. Why am i letting someone else's failure affect me in this way? What happens to hir shouldn't affect me in any way at all. or is it effect me? no affect i think
i do have an inkling as to what may be causing this, i lied. Yesterday i was told that i am being called the instigator of what is going on with the HSC course. The story is that i'm responsible for the resit of the mid semester exam. i'm the one who instigated the student strike. i am the one who is spreading rumors about what is going to happen to the merger of the FoM and our Faculty. i am making up all these lies and accusations because i want to make someone look bad and lose her job.
It would be funny if it weren't so darned far out wrong. i don't have to make that someone look bad. That someone is doing a darned good job without my help. Perhaps it is upsetting me more than i realize or more than i am willing to admit. For the life of me, that is the only thing i can think of that could be making my body feel this way. And i don't know what to do about it.
If i leave it alone, it will go away. i know that. But what damage will it have done to me by the time it does leave. i am not going to respond to the accusations. Master did mention He knew a place out in the desert where a shallow grave could be dug and no one would be the wiser. That is a joke. i am not going to lower myself to that level. i have nothing to defend.
i'm not even angry that this stuff is going around. i know the person has reached the Peter Principle and is in way over hir (thank you, Heather, for the spellings) head. i know this person has lost control and is doing anything to save hir skin. i guess this person is feeling stressed at the mess that is over there. That particular universe is in total chaos. The teachers over there don't talk to each other anymore because no one is sure who is in what camp. And it's that person's fault.
What i am is sad. i can't imagine what is going in this person's head that would enable hir to be so mean. And i can't imagine what it will be like when the shit hits hir fan and this person is standing in front of it. How sad must this person's life be. How close to the edge must this person be to be willing to say these things....not about me particularly but these things in general.
i am not adapting a holier-than-thou attitude. i just am not going to respond. it is not worth my time or effort. At the end of it all, i will be the one standing. This person won't be.But what makes one human so cruel to another? So evil? So full of rage, and unwilling to accept responsibility for it? Or for the situation that got hir into this spot in the first place? This person got a taste of perceived power and it corrupted this person.
i hate to say this, but i do believe the world would be a better place without hir.
This may be the cause of my distress, but i don't understand why. Why am i letting someone else's failure affect me in this way? What happens to hir shouldn't affect me in any way at all. or is it effect me? no affect i think
