A Remembory of my Father
May. 26th, 2003 07:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jdmkleinIt was 37 years ago today my father died. i watched the ambulance people help him walk down the steps of our house because the stairway was too narrow for the gurney. i didn't say goodbye. Who ever thinks their father will die when they are 16?
For my 16th birthday he gave me a key to the car. i was so excited and couldn't figure out why he had the silly grin on his face. i looked again. The key was uncut. On the card he had written that he would take me to get the key cut the day i got my driver's license. He died before i got my license.
This day always sneaks up on me. Even moreso because i am away from family. i wonder how Mother is doing? i wonder if she remembers? i wonder if it sneaks up on her like it does me.
It is because of her i am here in this place right now. She was left with three young children in a time when women were just beginning to join the workforce. She raised by sister and brother and i to be successful and productive members of society. It took my brother a bit longer than my sister or i to find himself, but he did. We all still talk to each other all the time. We all know that each of us is there for the others. My father had a hand in all of this, but it was my mother who made certain his values stayed with us.
My father taught me the joys of fishing. Well, not actually 'fishing', but being out in the boat and watching the world go by. He taught me how not to be afraid of thunder or lightening. And when my great-grandmother died, he pointed out the star that was her window from heaven so she could look down and watch all of us. And when his mother died, she got a window close to great-grandmother.
i remember one day Father came to school and took me out just before noon. He wanted to take me to the Chesterfield Club for lunch. i felt so grown up having lunch just Father and me. He let me order whatever i wanted. A cheese sandwich and a glass of milk. Boy was i a cheap date. He got me back in time for school after lunch and noon recess. It was our secret, but i'm sure Mother knew.
i remember going with him to pick out Mother's Christmas present. i believe Mother still has the ring he got her. i think i will ask this summer. And ask her to leave it to me if she does.
i remember him embarassing me on my first date. And my second and my third. He would walk to the door with my date and i. He would hug me and kiss me goodbye. Then he would ask if i had a dime. i would show him and he would let us go.
My parents were ahead of their time, i think. i never had a curfew. When i started to date my father told me he had faith in me and trusted me. If i would tell him where my date and i were going and what time i would be home, he would honor that. Somehow i knew not to say a football game and we'd be home at 5:00 am. But if we were going to a dusk to dawn drive in, i knew i could say 5:00 am. and not be in trouble. The only admonishment i got was that if i were going to be more than five minutes late, i had better be using that dime to be on the phone calling to let him know.
i remember once, my cousin from California and i went out to get some sodas. We were staying at my father's youngest sister's house. The store we walked to was closed, so Nance and i hitched a ride to another one. Aunt Mary got scared because we were gone so long and called my father. When Nance and i finally got back, Aunt Mary took me home. My father was angry. He pounded his fist on the newel post and broke it as he was sending me upstairs to my room.
Neither of my parents ever spanked any of us, but my father could make me cry by talking to me. i hated that. i think i almost wished he would spank me.
There were times i didn't like my father much. i went to the same school he and his brothers and sisters did. Many of the same teachers were there from his time. Father graduated the president of his class. When i would be in trouble, Sister Mary Valeria would take me by the ear out to the hallway and point to the picture of my father and say something like how i had shamed him or made him angry or sad because i was such a naughty child. BAH! My father seldom thought i was naughty. Once i told her that. Wrong thing to say to an angry nun. i think we were all relieved when she called my parents and suggested that the discipline of a parochial school was maybe more than i could cope with. And would it be possible for me to go to a public school where there was more freedom.
For my 16th birthday he gave me a key to the car. i was so excited and couldn't figure out why he had the silly grin on his face. i looked again. The key was uncut. On the card he had written that he would take me to get the key cut the day i got my driver's license. He died before i got my license.
This day always sneaks up on me. Even moreso because i am away from family. i wonder how Mother is doing? i wonder if she remembers? i wonder if it sneaks up on her like it does me.
It is because of her i am here in this place right now. She was left with three young children in a time when women were just beginning to join the workforce. She raised by sister and brother and i to be successful and productive members of society. It took my brother a bit longer than my sister or i to find himself, but he did. We all still talk to each other all the time. We all know that each of us is there for the others. My father had a hand in all of this, but it was my mother who made certain his values stayed with us.
My father taught me the joys of fishing. Well, not actually 'fishing', but being out in the boat and watching the world go by. He taught me how not to be afraid of thunder or lightening. And when my great-grandmother died, he pointed out the star that was her window from heaven so she could look down and watch all of us. And when his mother died, she got a window close to great-grandmother.
i remember one day Father came to school and took me out just before noon. He wanted to take me to the Chesterfield Club for lunch. i felt so grown up having lunch just Father and me. He let me order whatever i wanted. A cheese sandwich and a glass of milk. Boy was i a cheap date. He got me back in time for school after lunch and noon recess. It was our secret, but i'm sure Mother knew.
i remember going with him to pick out Mother's Christmas present. i believe Mother still has the ring he got her. i think i will ask this summer. And ask her to leave it to me if she does.
i remember him embarassing me on my first date. And my second and my third. He would walk to the door with my date and i. He would hug me and kiss me goodbye. Then he would ask if i had a dime. i would show him and he would let us go.
My parents were ahead of their time, i think. i never had a curfew. When i started to date my father told me he had faith in me and trusted me. If i would tell him where my date and i were going and what time i would be home, he would honor that. Somehow i knew not to say a football game and we'd be home at 5:00 am. But if we were going to a dusk to dawn drive in, i knew i could say 5:00 am. and not be in trouble. The only admonishment i got was that if i were going to be more than five minutes late, i had better be using that dime to be on the phone calling to let him know.
i remember once, my cousin from California and i went out to get some sodas. We were staying at my father's youngest sister's house. The store we walked to was closed, so Nance and i hitched a ride to another one. Aunt Mary got scared because we were gone so long and called my father. When Nance and i finally got back, Aunt Mary took me home. My father was angry. He pounded his fist on the newel post and broke it as he was sending me upstairs to my room.
Neither of my parents ever spanked any of us, but my father could make me cry by talking to me. i hated that. i think i almost wished he would spank me.
There were times i didn't like my father much. i went to the same school he and his brothers and sisters did. Many of the same teachers were there from his time. Father graduated the president of his class. When i would be in trouble, Sister Mary Valeria would take me by the ear out to the hallway and point to the picture of my father and say something like how i had shamed him or made him angry or sad because i was such a naughty child. BAH! My father seldom thought i was naughty. Once i told her that. Wrong thing to say to an angry nun. i think we were all relieved when she called my parents and suggested that the discipline of a parochial school was maybe more than i could cope with. And would it be possible for me to go to a public school where there was more freedom.
