It seems last night I may have had a panic attack. I was sitting in the living room with Sarah and for no good reason that I can figure I suddenly felt like I wanted to cry. Not a weepy kind of cry, a full blown loud wailing, tears streaming, difficulty breathing kind of cry. My stomach was sour, my arms and legs were jittery, and I have no idea why. Everything is good with the family, although I do miss Kelly. Sarah is good.
Miss Kitty is good. It lasted about 20 minutes. I was able to not give into the feeling of wanting to cry, Sarah doesn't need that kind of stress. I did a deep cleansing breathing exercise and it seemed to help.

Maybe it is the state of the world that is throwing me for a loop. The horrible man in the White House, all the horrible people he has appointed to his cabinet. He smug, no common sense son, son-in-law, and daughter playing the role of president. His wife, who seems to not want to be there.

And then there is the rest of the world. Acid throwing attacks in London. The constant and forever unease in the Middle East, this whole thing with police officers and their guns, hell, this whole thing about guns. I don't want to believe it is the end of times, but given the climate in the world today, I certainly want to be gone before the end of times really comes.

Actually, I am not truly happy with myself. I have become a fat, lazy couch-potato and I can't seem to talk myself out of it. I have stopped going to the gym, I have stopped swimming, I have stopped going anywhere that is not absolutely necessary. I am becoming a hermit. Or, worse yet, my mother. Things have got to change.
We spent a week in Iowa City for a VEEG for Sarah. Trying to figure out how to help control the seizures a bit better. It seems she is not a likely candidate for the surgery, the seizures are not centrally located. They occur in all areas of her brain. She goes back down again on May 1 for a pre-surg physical and then on May 2 she will have the battery in her VNS replaced.

Pat has cooked her up some cannabis oil and put it in pill form for her to try. He brought it over on Saturday. I have not given her any yet. I want to try one or two myself to see what the effect is first. Then last night I read an article on some drugs that do not mix well with cannabis. Of course she takes two of the nine listed. I am taking one of them on the list, so, like I said, I am going to test pilot the pills before giving them to her.

I may not give her any until after the VNS battery is replaced. I don't want her to have blood work that shows evidence of her using drugs.

I also read last night about a new procedure to let blind people see. She seems to fit the criteria. I will ask about it the next time we are down to see the ophthalmology guys. Maybe being able to see would make the seizures more palatable.

Molly has not left my side since we got back. She stayed at Eileen's while we were gone. E has 4 cats, so I figured Molly would fit right in. She disappeared for the first 24 hrs or so, but became good friends with Dennis. Until it was time for her to come back here. Molly did not want to get in the kennel to come home, at. all. So her return didn't happen until Saturday. Now she is sleeping in my arms as I type.
Had my second call about the Alzheimer's protocol I am involved in. It could last up to a year if I want it to. I think I might.
I am making five calls a day to my senators and congressman to protest the horrific actions taken by Donald Trump. The people who answer the phones will soon my name as soon as they hear my voice.

Sarah had a seizure right early this morning. Fell on the floor with her meds in her mouth. Continued to chew them while seizing on the floor. I got her upright, I was afraid of the possibility of her choking on the pills, and got her to drink some water to help wash them down. She is talking wonkie this morning, the past weekend might have been too much for her. That and the fact that she didn't get her morning meds yesterday because she was still sleeping at 4:30 pm.

She is back in bed, sleeping some more. That usually helps with her speech. Tomorrow she will be back at HIP.
Got a phishing email today trying to get info on my paypal account. Being an English teacher, I noticed the grammar mistakes and call customer service. I was told that I was right, there is nothing wrong with my account. Sent the email to them and they will take care of it.

Sarah and I are going to LaCrosse WI tonight so we can go to Jaden's hockey tournament tomorrow. A weekend away from home is fun, but I am guessing we both will be anxious to go home. Jaden can be a bit much over a long period of time.
2nd eye surgery went fine on Monday. Went in for day after check-up, don't have to go back for 3 weeks. Had to get more eye drops. The expensive one, of course. Thank goodness for coupons.

Pat took Abby to the vet yesterday to get her chipped and checked out. She slipped her collar getting out of the truck at the vet's office. She took off. Has not yet been found. Pat is heart broken. He is such a big gruff, tough man, but he loves his animals. Fingers crossed that she is found.

Moi

Jan. 23rd, 2017 10:25 pm
3. Capricorn Habits

Capricorns tend to be very shy, they prefer to be with others whom they've known for a while such as close friends and family. They also tend to be extremely stubborn which may be because they are very pessimistic about the world around them.

This makes it hard for them to summon motivation deep within themselves because they would rather not be apart of whatever is happening to begin with.
Eileen and Jaden got stranded in Dallas. Their flight to CR was cancelled, after Den had dropped them off at the airport. They will be coming in Wednesday about noon. Sarah and I will be going down to get them.

The ice storm closed just about everything down yesterday. I I believe in the MMET stopped running. Sarah stayed home because HIP was closed. We did nothing but put away Christmas boxes.That didn't take all that long, but that is all we did.

The kitties are getting along, finally. Hags and Molly are playing chase, and Sid sticks her nose out into the fracas every once in a while. Rascal has been out and about this morning already. Last night he made an appearance about 8:30, 90 minutes early. And he spent most of the night on my bed. I don't know where Molly was.

Right now they are tramping up and down the stairs. I dodn't get the door shut quickly enough and so they are taking turns racing up and down. Sounds like a herd of elephants. sheesh.
Ice storom hit overnight. Most everything is closeod because of it. Sarah and I are supposed to drive to CR to meet Eileen and Jaden who are flyinf up from Dallas. Time will telll if I want to make that trip or have them stay in a motel till tomorrow.
stating to worry about the storm. Sarah and I are supposed to drive to CR Monday night to pick up Eileen and Jaden. In the cold rain. Am very concerned right now about the state of the roads Monday night. Can't ask Kelly, he is in Cali. It is on my shoulders. yhg.
The eye surgery went well. I keep reaching for my glasses and then realize I don't need them anymore. Back today for a quick look/see at the Dr.office and then eye drops for about until ever. The 23th I will get the second eye done. w00t!
This afternoon I will have cataract surgery on the right eye. Should be a piece of cake, right? Wrong. Sarah got sick Saturday night, spent the whole of the day yesterday with the exception of about 30 minutes in bed. Not eating or drinking anything but the water I brought in to her when it was time to take her meds. She did not go to HIP today. So arrangements were changed. Kelly will be taking me to the surgery. Eileen will come over here to stay with Sarah. I forgot to put the drops in my eye before going to bed last night, did not write down the instructions for taking meds this morning. I was told to fast beginning at midnight, but could have clear liquids up to sometime before the procedure. I had a cup of coffee with a bit of creamer in it. We shall see how the whole show goes.
I have meditated each day and am feeling good about it. Last night, however, I didn't have a chance for me until I went to bed. I tried meditating lying flat on my bed. I got 5 minutes in, but was very uncomfortable during the whole time. Not physically uncomfortable, but mentally. I had a difficult time feeling good about meditating. Will not be doing that again. Mornings are best for me. Weekday mornings there is no problem, it is the weekends that are going to be a problem.

It is becoming easier.
I think I am finished getting ready for the eye surgery. Had blood work done for the nephrologist, there seems to be a cyst on one the kidneys. Probably nothing, given my age, but he wants to check it out. The blood work was to help determine if the CT will be with or without contrast.

The new routine for Sarah and I seems to be working, although last night she had a seizure at an unusual time.She always confounds me.
I am fit to have eye surgery next Monday and again two weeks following.

This is per meditation instruction:
fold sheets
put towels in dryer
one last 'clean up' load to wash and dry
get tub from garage to put Christmas decorations away.
Check to see if there is a hockey game both nights this weekend.

Not much more to say

Sarah

Jan. 4th, 2017 09:34 am
She had a seizure in the bathroom yesterday and fell face first into the tub. She knocked her knee pretty badly and managed to turn on the faucet to the tub, which meant she had to change her clothes from the waist down. Put some aspercreme on her shin, knee and ankle, got her dressed, and off to HIP. I have decided I have to be with her mornings, not to prevent seizures, but to catch them at the beginning before she can hurt herself. Be there with the magnet.

Nothing much exciting going on...I've been NOT napping during the day so that I can sleep at night. On the first I got out of bed at 7:45 after not having slept the whole night. I went to lie down on my bed for a nap about 4:30 that afternoon and didn't get up again, except for a couple of bathroom breaks, until 7:30 Monday morning. I guess I needed that to get my sleep cycle back on track.

d
Was surprised when I checked my bank account to find the SS check had arrived. I was under the impression the payment dates were to change and my check would come later in the month. Don't know what to think about this. Am not complaining that it has arrived, just wondering what checks will be coming on the later date.

Did the meditation thing again. I think I am doing okfine. Can get through 3 minutes with minimum of outside distraction. It's the inside distraction that consistently knocks me off balance. Will keep working.

Am trying to figure out how to insert a photo from facebook. Not having a fantastic time at it. It is a birthday photo with my sister and brother. Our family on my birthday. I think it is an especially nice photo, which is something I rarely think. And I can't figure how to get it from there to here. Will keep trying.
Have finished the second lesson in meditation; there will be an online discussion tonight at 8:30, with video. Downloaded the video conferencing program, saw myself, now I have to decide whether to do my hair, or avoid the camera. I am dediated to completing this course. It is a month long challenge, meditation is something I have long been interested in learning. Perhaps I can get Cindy and Eileen to create a small group with me.Time will tell.

Sonny died about 4:30 or so on New Year's Eve day. Den wants her to come right back here so she can begin the coming semester on time. Some days I would like to bitch slap that man. Give her some time to replenish herself. Give her some time to reconnect with her son. Give Eileen a break from being gram/mother to Jaden. Give you wife some help for Jeeze sake!
Let something you do already trigger a tiny step to something new, i.e. After I brush my teeth, I will floss one tooth; after I pee, I will drink a glass of water.
I have made one resolution for the coming year, and it is my hope that becoming mindful will help the rest of my life. I have great intentions of getting back to swimming and the gym this year; I think my body has mended well enough for me to try to get back into some sort of gooder physical shape. I haven't decided if I want to go to the Sports Plexs or back to the Y. I feel more comfortable at the Y because I have been there longer, but, the Sports Plex has a lazy river walk in the pool, which could be a really good help for me. I am certain their weight room is both bigger and nicer than the Ys is, too. I just have to check the difference in cost. If both places have the same price, it will be a much more difficult decision. We went over to Kelly's for my birthday Friday night. I got a nice warm pair of gloves from Kelly and Nancy, and from Eileen, Dennis, and Jaden I got a new Black Hawks sweatshirt to wear to the hockey games, and a flower cake, very pretty. Molly enjoys nibbling on it too. Pat and Lani and the kids got me a Roku for the TV.We are liking that fine. Since I now have the ability to get the NHL channel, I did just that for myself for my birthday. I also got a robot vacuum for me. The instruction booklet is written in the worst Chingish I have ever read. It isn't even funny. I have had to go over the manual many times. I finally got it to vacuum the whole house on Friday, but I can't figure out how to set the clock. Oh, and on Friday night, about midnight, the darned thing decided it was time to clean again. Nearly scared the bejibbers out of both Sarah and I. A week from Monday, I am having cataract surgery done on the right eye. Two weeks later, the same to the left one.

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Julia Klein

July 2017

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