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Mar. 4th, 2003 07:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jdmkleinThe war can start, the baby has come. The new mother's biggest fear was that she would be in the hospital when the war started and wouldn't be able to go with her family to Bahrain. Now the problem has taken care of itself.
i am feeling a bit like a failure today. i haven't decided yet if i'm going to let it get me down. The VDAA called me just as i was getting ready to sneak out for the day, (the excuse was the dog) and informed me that there would be a staff meeting next week at my discretion, he and the VDSA will be attending. He gave me a synopsis of the agenda, and asked if i wanted it given out before the meeting. i said i always have the agenda prepared and given out several days before the meeting. So he agreed. The items on the proposed agenda are items that have been causing problems in the unit. i have not asked for his intervention. i do not know why he feels the need for this meeting. Therefore i don't know if i have failed or not. It is a puzzlement.
The dog is better today. i'm insecure about leaving him alone because every once in awhile he makes that noise. So far nothing has happened. i just do not know.
i was talking with my first realtime submissive friend the other day online. She and her dominant are getting married and she wants me to be the matron of honor. i am so honored and of course i said yes if it was possible for me to be there i would do that. We got to talking and she is so happy with her loving relationship. i'm beginning to realize that while Master loves me, i am not sure i love Him. i enjoy what we have, and find fulfillment in what i do for Him. I'm not sure that is the basis for a love relationship. There are all part of the weirdness es that are going through my head. i'm sure it has lots to do with where we are in time. i have no intention of asking for an out. i am here for the long run, i just don't know how long that run will be. A sad statement to make.
My commitment is long term. This i know is true. i don't see it being forever. i am not looking for an out. i feel in my soul that we will not be together to the end. That makes me sad.
i am feeling a bit like a failure today. i haven't decided yet if i'm going to let it get me down. The VDAA called me just as i was getting ready to sneak out for the day, (the excuse was the dog) and informed me that there would be a staff meeting next week at my discretion, he and the VDSA will be attending. He gave me a synopsis of the agenda, and asked if i wanted it given out before the meeting. i said i always have the agenda prepared and given out several days before the meeting. So he agreed. The items on the proposed agenda are items that have been causing problems in the unit. i have not asked for his intervention. i do not know why he feels the need for this meeting. Therefore i don't know if i have failed or not. It is a puzzlement.
The dog is better today. i'm insecure about leaving him alone because every once in awhile he makes that noise. So far nothing has happened. i just do not know.
i was talking with my first realtime submissive friend the other day online. She and her dominant are getting married and she wants me to be the matron of honor. i am so honored and of course i said yes if it was possible for me to be there i would do that. We got to talking and she is so happy with her loving relationship. i'm beginning to realize that while Master loves me, i am not sure i love Him. i enjoy what we have, and find fulfillment in what i do for Him. I'm not sure that is the basis for a love relationship. There are all part of the weirdness es that are going through my head. i'm sure it has lots to do with where we are in time. i have no intention of asking for an out. i am here for the long run, i just don't know how long that run will be. A sad statement to make.
My commitment is long term. This i know is true. i don't see it being forever. i am not looking for an out. i feel in my soul that we will not be together to the end. That makes me sad.
