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Sep. 20th, 2002 07:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jdmkleinAfter the feelings of fear of last night, today i should have been able to handle today, but again it was difficult. Master nearly has the cross done. It is done enough to have a practice run on. i couldn't help the feelings of fear. This is a new level again. i want it. i have imagined being so completely restrained that the only thing i can move is my eyelid. And when it is complete that is exactly will happen. But today i was a bundle of nerves and tears. The cross needs a bit more adjustment to fit me, and that will probably be done in the next few weeks. So instead of whips and chains on the cross, it was clamps and crops on the bed. And then, after He got me breathing normally again, He let me rest.
i needed today. We haven't played since i got back. He was letting me readjust slowly. A bad idea, i think, but He knows best, despite what other things i'd written about Him here. i feel well-oiled. Nothing creaks or squeaks or ratchets now. He left small marks, i don't think He intended to, but they are there. Tonight i'll ask what He used. In the back of my mind there was a particularly painful tool used on my ass. i want to know if it was my imagination or if i'm just out of shape regarding main management, or if it was something new and deadly.
The thought of the cross excites me to wetness and scares me to tears. Is that a paradox or what?
i made my new food dish today. When i was in Chas, we went for traditional barbeque and i discovered hoppin' john. Delicious. Along with, was cornbread and peach cobbler. Not bad for a 'sunday' dinner. i'm a happy camper.
i needed today. We haven't played since i got back. He was letting me readjust slowly. A bad idea, i think, but He knows best, despite what other things i'd written about Him here. i feel well-oiled. Nothing creaks or squeaks or ratchets now. He left small marks, i don't think He intended to, but they are there. Tonight i'll ask what He used. In the back of my mind there was a particularly painful tool used on my ass. i want to know if it was my imagination or if i'm just out of shape regarding main management, or if it was something new and deadly.
The thought of the cross excites me to wetness and scares me to tears. Is that a paradox or what?
i made my new food dish today. When i was in Chas, we went for traditional barbeque and i discovered hoppin' john. Delicious. Along with, was cornbread and peach cobbler. Not bad for a 'sunday' dinner. i'm a happy camper.
