It is really difficult
Oct. 11th, 2004 05:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jdmkleinMy life with Master is at a difficult stage. i find that i am having trouble shifting between the three people i must be. i am the work person. i am Master's slave. i am my own person. i had little difficulty keeping two of the three separate, the work person and Master's slave. It's that own person that i feel i must be when He is up north, that is giving me fits.
i find i am having problems shifting gears. For two or three days, i can do what i want, when i want, and how i want, and then 4:30 rolls around on a day when He is coming back to Kuwait, and i must focus my thoughts and actions on Him. It isn't that i don't want to do this, but i am finding it difficult to turn thr focus from me to Him.
It's not like what i am doing while He is gone is against anything He would expect of want of me. It' more like doing it on my own time. It is hard for me, for example, to have to wait for Him when He says He is ready to go, or do something. He always gets side tracked and i am left waiting at the door, so to speak.
This is petty.
i find i am having problems shifting gears. For two or three days, i can do what i want, when i want, and how i want, and then 4:30 rolls around on a day when He is coming back to Kuwait, and i must focus my thoughts and actions on Him. It isn't that i don't want to do this, but i am finding it difficult to turn thr focus from me to Him.
It's not like what i am doing while He is gone is against anything He would expect of want of me. It' more like doing it on my own time. It is hard for me, for example, to have to wait for Him when He says He is ready to go, or do something. He always gets side tracked and i am left waiting at the door, so to speak.
This is petty.
