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A couple of things are bothering me right now and both of them are totally insignificant to my life. i know better than this. These bothers are real people who have absolutely no bearing on my life, but one in particular is affecting other people with whom i have an online acquaintance. Why am i letting this get to me? It's not like i need something in my life to fuss over. i suppose it is a rude wake-up that the world is not as i see it, through partially rose-colored glasses.
The least ignominous, a strong word to be sure, belongs to a list i have started reading. Apparently these women do not work outside the home. And i am jealous of that, i suppose. i read what they post on the list and i wonder two things, 1) just how much time do they spend on the computer, 2) do they get any work done in the home, because 3) from what i read, it appears they spend all day, or at least the length of three videos/working day knitting. Between computer time and needle time, how much of their day is left for the day to day home work things? i am being petty. And i may truly be jealous. i am allowed 2 hrs per day on the internet for personal use. One hour is generally spent talking with my family and friends, and one is for pure pleasure, reading email and list mail, etc. Usually, in the evenings, i can combine the family with the pleasure. In the mornings, it is reading what has happened in the world over my night and journaling. Don't know why i have put that there, but it will stay. i can break my hour up into sections and i often do.
The thing is, even though i enjoy the use of a cleaning woman, i still have more after work work than i can finish many days, and use my weekends to catch up. How do these women do it? Of course their level of clean may be different than mine.
The other bother makes me ill to think about. And brings my heart to such a dark place i feel like i did in Taiwan when i tried to attend the church services at my son's private christian school. i would go to service on Sunday and come home with such a dark heart i was thinking hateful things about the parents of the kids my son went to school with. It was not good for my emotional healath. This bother is not good for it either. i need to figure out a way to exorcise this bother from my mind. Unfortunately it is not an easy thing to do. i am torn between just closing the door on the window through which i view this and keeping it open just to watch the deadly dance as it plays out. i am not a good person. If i were, i could shut this out completely and move on. Or would that be the best thing to do? Should i try to do something about this? By my silence am i trying to avoid having other people think badly about me? Am i a coward? Or is it truly none of my business? i do not believe i am my brother's keeper. But sometimes i am not sure how strongly i believe it. Are there times when one should make an effort to keep one's brother?
Another thing that concerns me, as long as i am on a roll, is that i am becoming my mother because i am letting these bothers really get to me. And of all the things i said that i would never do and have done, this is one i will not let happen. i have made my decision.
The least ignominous, a strong word to be sure, belongs to a list i have started reading. Apparently these women do not work outside the home. And i am jealous of that, i suppose. i read what they post on the list and i wonder two things, 1) just how much time do they spend on the computer, 2) do they get any work done in the home, because 3) from what i read, it appears they spend all day, or at least the length of three videos/working day knitting. Between computer time and needle time, how much of their day is left for the day to day home work things? i am being petty. And i may truly be jealous. i am allowed 2 hrs per day on the internet for personal use. One hour is generally spent talking with my family and friends, and one is for pure pleasure, reading email and list mail, etc. Usually, in the evenings, i can combine the family with the pleasure. In the mornings, it is reading what has happened in the world over my night and journaling. Don't know why i have put that there, but it will stay. i can break my hour up into sections and i often do.
The thing is, even though i enjoy the use of a cleaning woman, i still have more after work work than i can finish many days, and use my weekends to catch up. How do these women do it? Of course their level of clean may be different than mine.
The other bother makes me ill to think about. And brings my heart to such a dark place i feel like i did in Taiwan when i tried to attend the church services at my son's private christian school. i would go to service on Sunday and come home with such a dark heart i was thinking hateful things about the parents of the kids my son went to school with. It was not good for my emotional healath. This bother is not good for it either. i need to figure out a way to exorcise this bother from my mind. Unfortunately it is not an easy thing to do. i am torn between just closing the door on the window through which i view this and keeping it open just to watch the deadly dance as it plays out. i am not a good person. If i were, i could shut this out completely and move on. Or would that be the best thing to do? Should i try to do something about this? By my silence am i trying to avoid having other people think badly about me? Am i a coward? Or is it truly none of my business? i do not believe i am my brother's keeper. But sometimes i am not sure how strongly i believe it. Are there times when one should make an effort to keep one's brother?
Another thing that concerns me, as long as i am on a roll, is that i am becoming my mother because i am letting these bothers really get to me. And of all the things i said that i would never do and have done, this is one i will not let happen. i have made my decision.
