He reminds me of my place in so many ways.

People look at us and think we are a couple very much in tune with each other. We like to talk to each other, we joke, and discretely touch, even when alone. But every once in awhile He reminds me in no uncertain terms where my place is in this relationship. ( Read more... )

Don't fight it. It don't mean a thing.

i thought i had waited long enough that my emotions are under control.

Mother is in the hospital. She has been not well for a few weeks and this past week failed considerably. Rather than wait to take her to the hypertension clinic in Iowa City, my sister took her to the family doc yesterday and doc was concerned too, so she had Mother admitted. There are several possibiities as to the reason for the rapid decline. About as many are terminal as are repairable. Time will tell, and until then i am going to be a mess i think.

i have to remember to only deal with one thing at a time. i cannot speculate what will happen if.....i have to deal with the here and now. Mother is in the hospital. She is undergoing several tests to determine the cause of the problem. As soon as they know, i will be told. This is something i have no control over. Auntie Nurse said i don't need to come back yet. Sarah is doing ok, and when she feels that she doesn't want to be alone in the house while Mother is in the hospital, other arrangements will be made. Those are the facts. i have to live with them.

i knew from the git go that this time would eventually come, and i made the decision to go. i knew this would be difficult and yet i chose to stay away. Knowing these things doesn't make it any easier when the time comes. i now also know that. i want to have a pity party for me. i won't, doing so would only make my eyes puffy, and at my age, that is not a good thing. it would also upset Master because it is also something He has no control over, and why put Him through that?

i had a thought this morning, i am a member of the drop out generation. i notice that attitude colors everything i do. What i don't understand is why it should. My life at that time was good. Why did i go this route? i sit here and wonder why i feel such a lack of hope. This feeling pervades every aspect of my life, and yet, most of the time i feel content. Curious that.

in a different frame of mind--an A frame

Master and i have been having a discussion all evening about the future. i'm feeling somewhat better about it,but only somewhat.

i spoke with Mother tonight, she sounds in good spirits. She is in a coronary care hospital so that is good. My sister is a nurse who knows all the docs, so they will be on their toes, i'm sure because Auntie Nurse will not let them get away with anything. i believe Mother is enjoying all the attention.

i spoke with Auntie Nurse this morning. Will be getting daily updates.

i spoke with Sarah after i talked to Mother. i just needed to hear her voice.

i wish i could speak with Pat, but he is on his way to work so i will send him a mesage on his cellphone. The anniversary clock arrived, even after i sent it to the wrong address. People can say what they want about the USPS, but they were asked to be on the lookout for a misaddressed package, and see to it that it got to the correct address, and by jingo they did.

i learned a valuable lesson tonight while cooking dinner. Do not take your eyes off the mandolin while slicing onions to look at the eggplant in the wok. i sliced a chunk of meat about the size of a dime off my ring finger. Make that two lessons. Master can bleed all He wants and He is fine with it, but He is not so pretty good at watching me bleed.

Work tomorrow, and then the weekend, and not a moment too soon i say.