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Nov. 8th, 2002 07:58 pmi had such a good night last night that i forgot to make an entry.
i don't know what was wrong yesterday, but all i could do is sleep. i got up at 6 and took a nap at noon. Not a nap really but more on that later.
Got up about 2:30 and was in bed by 8:30 last night. slept straight through until 7 this morning.
Had a bad session yesterday. Master stopped it very early. i don't know what the problem was, the only thing we could think of that caused it might be that i didn't have much time to prepare myself mentally for it. i believe that is the reason for it. We were busy all morning and Master didn't require me to put on make up or get dressed in all the stuff. i hate doing this, but i now believe it is necessary for me to get my head in the right place.
i wondered if i might be changing and turning into a non-masochist, but Master says He doubts that i will ever change. He thinks we might change some as we get older, but the general dynamic will remain the same for us. He has made plans for us to play sometime this week. He has told me all about it. i think that is part of what was wrong again yesterday. i had no idea we were going to play until late Wednesday night.
i can't believe how i reacted on the cross yesterday. It still needs some refinement, and causes me discomfort on my knees, but that wasn't the problem. i just couldn't handle the pain. i felt so bad for Master. He went to all the trouble of setting that time for me, and i couldn't deal with it. Maybe that is why i was so tired the rest of the day. it may have been depression.
Last night we took the dog out to the desert. Not for a run, but because it was such a beautiful night. We took out the chairs and some water and a blanket for me, and went out and looked at the stars. We saw 5 shooting stars and a satellite as well as about a gazillion stars. Max had a great time. He had his nose to the ground the whole time. Except when he was digging for oil. He dug so hard he threw sand on the car in clumps. Art work Master called it.
This morning we took him out again. Tonight i took him out on the bike at Iftar. The evening meal that breaks the fast of ramadan. There were more people out than i expected, but dog did fine. He ignored men and cats and birds and cars. He was good.
i'm still tired.
The new apartment is empty. Master went down this afternoon and talked to the manager. Master thinks we may be able to start moving next weekend. It all depends on how quickly they get the necessary work done. The walls repainted, the leak damage repaired. Master said we could re-invent the wheel when it came to the move.
He and i have several huge differences in living standards. And they have to be addressed with this move. i cannot live with a kitchen where i'm afraid to open the doors of the cupboards because He needs to have three tins of saltines for the twice a year He makes chili. Or 15 boxes of tea that He doesn't drink. And hasn't touched in the time we've been together. We have different levels of neat and we are also going to have to come to an acceptable arrangement on that too. i can't be a good slave to Him if i am miserable about how we live. i hate thinking i am a snob, but i can't live in a redneck house.
i don't know what was wrong yesterday, but all i could do is sleep. i got up at 6 and took a nap at noon. Not a nap really but more on that later.
Got up about 2:30 and was in bed by 8:30 last night. slept straight through until 7 this morning.
Had a bad session yesterday. Master stopped it very early. i don't know what the problem was, the only thing we could think of that caused it might be that i didn't have much time to prepare myself mentally for it. i believe that is the reason for it. We were busy all morning and Master didn't require me to put on make up or get dressed in all the stuff. i hate doing this, but i now believe it is necessary for me to get my head in the right place.
i wondered if i might be changing and turning into a non-masochist, but Master says He doubts that i will ever change. He thinks we might change some as we get older, but the general dynamic will remain the same for us. He has made plans for us to play sometime this week. He has told me all about it. i think that is part of what was wrong again yesterday. i had no idea we were going to play until late Wednesday night.
i can't believe how i reacted on the cross yesterday. It still needs some refinement, and causes me discomfort on my knees, but that wasn't the problem. i just couldn't handle the pain. i felt so bad for Master. He went to all the trouble of setting that time for me, and i couldn't deal with it. Maybe that is why i was so tired the rest of the day. it may have been depression.
Last night we took the dog out to the desert. Not for a run, but because it was such a beautiful night. We took out the chairs and some water and a blanket for me, and went out and looked at the stars. We saw 5 shooting stars and a satellite as well as about a gazillion stars. Max had a great time. He had his nose to the ground the whole time. Except when he was digging for oil. He dug so hard he threw sand on the car in clumps. Art work Master called it.
This morning we took him out again. Tonight i took him out on the bike at Iftar. The evening meal that breaks the fast of ramadan. There were more people out than i expected, but dog did fine. He ignored men and cats and birds and cars. He was good.
i'm still tired.
The new apartment is empty. Master went down this afternoon and talked to the manager. Master thinks we may be able to start moving next weekend. It all depends on how quickly they get the necessary work done. The walls repainted, the leak damage repaired. Master said we could re-invent the wheel when it came to the move.
He and i have several huge differences in living standards. And they have to be addressed with this move. i cannot live with a kitchen where i'm afraid to open the doors of the cupboards because He needs to have three tins of saltines for the twice a year He makes chili. Or 15 boxes of tea that He doesn't drink. And hasn't touched in the time we've been together. We have different levels of neat and we are also going to have to come to an acceptable arrangement on that too. i can't be a good slave to Him if i am miserable about how we live. i hate thinking i am a snob, but i can't live in a redneck house.
