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i am not having fun any more. i've had a very disturbing day and i don't like the feelings that are boiling inside me. i feel as if i've been slapped in the face and i didn't even know i'd done something wrong. My stomach is in knots and i just want to lay down and cover my head and hope it all goes away. Which it won't, of course, but that's what i want.
It has nothing to do with my life with Master, this is coming at me from the professional front. i want to respond to all that was thrown at me today, but i won't. It's not worth risking what i've been trying to build in the Unit. i like the professional attitudes that i am seeing around our offices. It pleases me that people are thinking about professional development and personal growth, even without any recognition/motivation/whatever from the department, faculty, college, university. They are getting hot about what we are doing, and i accept that and it makes me happy to see it. On the other hand, it does hurt to have something i've worked on be torn apart and criticized. i am not unhappy about it, i've spent the last three semesters trying to get them to look at what we do with a critical eye, but it hurts nonetheless. And i have to deal with it. And i will, but right now i can't. So, i'm just drawing into myself and when Master gets home, He will want to know what is the problem.
Add to that the bitch from FoM is up to her old tricks again. And this pisses me off. She is invited to a meeting of the Deans to throw shit at me and mine. And i was not even aware of it until tonight when i got home. Now i have to play clean up the mess she has made. And i have to have it clean before the end of the day tomorrow. She is bound and determined to be the ruler of all that she surveys, and all she is doing is blowing smoke up the asses of people who don't know a cuning linguist from cunnilingus. And do they even come and ask for my input? Oh no, not until the ass sucking is all over. No i have to go in with faulty information, second hand from a non-native English speaker, and try to clean up the mess she is trying to make. i will do it, i have to to protect our integrity, but i hate being pushed to have it done yesterday, when i didn't even know about it until tonight. Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. Fuck the shit heads who believe her bilge. Fuck the world. i'm angry and hurt and pissed and alone at the very time i need a live body upon which to vent. Men and Masters! Why are they never around when you need them?
When this is over i'm going in to the VDAA's office and tell him i do not want this job any more. The university can fire me, right now i don't give a flying rat's ass. i didn't want this job in the first place, i've done amazing things considering what i had to start with, and i get this crap thrown at me with not one iota of warning. This isn't what i went into teaching for. This is not what i've wanted to do all my life. i have not worked to overcome obstacles others would consider insurmountable to be cut down by a bitch from Oklahoma who doesn't even have a smidgen of the credentials i have. Why couldn't she just die and put me out of my misery?
It has nothing to do with my life with Master, this is coming at me from the professional front. i want to respond to all that was thrown at me today, but i won't. It's not worth risking what i've been trying to build in the Unit. i like the professional attitudes that i am seeing around our offices. It pleases me that people are thinking about professional development and personal growth, even without any recognition/motivation/whatever from the department, faculty, college, university. They are getting hot about what we are doing, and i accept that and it makes me happy to see it. On the other hand, it does hurt to have something i've worked on be torn apart and criticized. i am not unhappy about it, i've spent the last three semesters trying to get them to look at what we do with a critical eye, but it hurts nonetheless. And i have to deal with it. And i will, but right now i can't. So, i'm just drawing into myself and when Master gets home, He will want to know what is the problem.
Add to that the bitch from FoM is up to her old tricks again. And this pisses me off. She is invited to a meeting of the Deans to throw shit at me and mine. And i was not even aware of it until tonight when i got home. Now i have to play clean up the mess she has made. And i have to have it clean before the end of the day tomorrow. She is bound and determined to be the ruler of all that she surveys, and all she is doing is blowing smoke up the asses of people who don't know a cuning linguist from cunnilingus. And do they even come and ask for my input? Oh no, not until the ass sucking is all over. No i have to go in with faulty information, second hand from a non-native English speaker, and try to clean up the mess she is trying to make. i will do it, i have to to protect our integrity, but i hate being pushed to have it done yesterday, when i didn't even know about it until tonight. Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. Fuck the shit heads who believe her bilge. Fuck the world. i'm angry and hurt and pissed and alone at the very time i need a live body upon which to vent. Men and Masters! Why are they never around when you need them?
When this is over i'm going in to the VDAA's office and tell him i do not want this job any more. The university can fire me, right now i don't give a flying rat's ass. i didn't want this job in the first place, i've done amazing things considering what i had to start with, and i get this crap thrown at me with not one iota of warning. This isn't what i went into teaching for. This is not what i've wanted to do all my life. i have not worked to overcome obstacles others would consider insurmountable to be cut down by a bitch from Oklahoma who doesn't even have a smidgen of the credentials i have. Why couldn't she just die and put me out of my misery?
