Oct. 1st, 2002

i swear i don't know where i came from in my family. Today i found out my sister is wearing a heart monitor for a few days. She's seeing a cardiac specialist. He's got her on it trying to figure out why she yawns so much. She didn't go to work today because the doc said she shouldn't wear underwire bras with the monitor. That's all she owns. i know she's been planning for all these years, hoping the chance would come when she could use her underwear as an excuse to stay home from work. i hope she is ok.

She has high cholesterol, she's had minor heart problems, takes the prozac type pill of the day. So does my mother and she has high blood pressure, a chronic potassium deficiency, heart problems and high cholesterol. My brother has high cholesterol, takes another type prozac, and heart problems. i'm not complaining, mind you, but i have none of those problems. Well i do have a potassium deficiency, but i don't take prescribed drugs for it. And i'm the one who does not want to live to get old. Go figger.

Took the doggie out to the ball park tonight. He was most excellent. He even let a little girl pet him. Of course she had a ball, and he thinks he should be the soul owner of every ball in the great state of Kuwait, so he was a bit more distracted than usual with a stranger. Now, he's trying to sleep on his red pillow. About one half of him doesn't fit on it any more. i hope he doesn't get a nosebleed from all the blood rushing downhill to his nose.

Master promised we could take him out early Thursday morning and then i can have time to work on my chapters. Maybe we can take the bikes to the sports complex. i'd like to train Max to run on a lead with me on the bike. He follows ahead well now, but i'm not very comfortable with the thought of being out on the streets with him, even early in the morning.

i am having blood and a urine sample taken tomorrow morning, so i am fasting. Dr. Sethi said 12 hrs. and nothing but water in the morning. We ate an early dinner tonight, before 4:00. By 10:00 tomorrow morning i should be about ready to eat my way through the refrigerator door. I hope C remembers to bring the pistachio cake tomorrow. Even if Mohammed isn't there for his going away party, we can still have cake.

i think i made the teachers angry today...not angry exactly, but not happy. They want to have a party for the new teachers. They wanted to have it tomorrow night, but i had plans already. i said it wasn't necessary that i be there, but they felt it was. In fact, i don't want to go. i feel i have to distance myself from them because some unpleasant things are coming up and i don't want to be thought of as showing favoritism or keeping secrets. And they all know how i feel about being out in big groups. i'm uncomfortable...Mother and i do have that in common. The older i get the uncomfortable-er i am in crowds.

It hasn't gotten so bad that i think i might be agoraphobic, is that it?, but i like being with small groups, or better yet, one-on-one, or even better yet, alone. One of the difficult adjustments i am still working on since i've been with Master is sharing my space and time with another. As strong as my feelings are for Him, and as happy as i am, there are times when i wish i could just go into a room, slam shut the door, lock it, and be alone, no questions asked. That can't happen, now. And by the time i have either explained why i want to do this, or weasled my way out of explaining by being very sincere when i say nothing, Master, truly nothing is wrong, i feel so foolish or stupid that i can't do it, and then i am frustrated because i need to be alone, no questions asked, and i can't. Such is life.

i told Master today all i want for Christmas is a car for Max. He's just getting too big for my Volvo. Something in a nice Bronco or Chevy Luv pickup, Surburban, or Range Rover would do. Funny Master, He just laughed.

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Julia Klein

June 2024

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