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Jun. 7th, 2003 08:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jdmkleinOn the way to work i thought of something i want to write about. Now i can't remember what it was.
i'm feeling very frustrated now. Unpleasant thoughts are running through my mind. Actually they aren't all that unpleasant, they are just not thoughts i want to have. i am having temptation put in front of me, and i have the opportunity to give in. i don't want to do it. And in all likelihood i won't. i'm not brave enough, but i have been thinking about it. Having erotic dreams. Last night i woke up because i had soaked the bed with my orgasm. This is not good.
Mother and i had a bit of an online argument tonight. i am very frightened that this may be my last summer to see her and be with her. i would love for her to go with Daughter and i on our trip. She doesn't seem inclined to do so. i feel a bit jealous. She will go out to CA to visit her son, she will go out with Auntie Nurse and spouse whenever they stop by and ask, but she doesn't seem to want to go with me. i'm sad, too. i would like her to have a three generation trip to remember. i would like to have that memory also, and i would like to provide that memory for my daughter.
It must be the lack of sex that is making me feel this way. And lack of contact with Master. Half the time i'm angry at Him because He is busy being a new father-in-law and preparing to be a grandfather and just being back in Texas and not here with me. The other half i'm just sad that He is gone.
i need to get a life.
i'm feeling very frustrated now. Unpleasant thoughts are running through my mind. Actually they aren't all that unpleasant, they are just not thoughts i want to have. i am having temptation put in front of me, and i have the opportunity to give in. i don't want to do it. And in all likelihood i won't. i'm not brave enough, but i have been thinking about it. Having erotic dreams. Last night i woke up because i had soaked the bed with my orgasm. This is not good.
Mother and i had a bit of an online argument tonight. i am very frightened that this may be my last summer to see her and be with her. i would love for her to go with Daughter and i on our trip. She doesn't seem inclined to do so. i feel a bit jealous. She will go out to CA to visit her son, she will go out with Auntie Nurse and spouse whenever they stop by and ask, but she doesn't seem to want to go with me. i'm sad, too. i would like her to have a three generation trip to remember. i would like to have that memory also, and i would like to provide that memory for my daughter.
It must be the lack of sex that is making me feel this way. And lack of contact with Master. Half the time i'm angry at Him because He is busy being a new father-in-law and preparing to be a grandfather and just being back in Texas and not here with me. The other half i'm just sad that He is gone.
i need to get a life.
