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Needs (December 2000 and April 2002)
December 2, 2000
Things I need from this relationship.
1. I need to know that nothing I do will turn You against me. I need to feel secure in the knowledge that You are willing to take the time to work with me on any problems I might have concerning this relationship.
2. I need to have someone who is willing to take control of my private life. I need to know I have no need to fear what is coming in the days ahead because You will be there to guide and direct me. This need also concerns my professional life. I don't expect You to make professional decisions for me, but I will appreciate a sounding board when I have problems I must face.
3. I need You to be to let me explore my sexuality. I need You to not put me down for secret desires I might have. I need You to encourage me to explore those desires. I need You to protect me from myself if I get carried away in my experimentation. I need You to be in control when I am not. I need You to show me the way, let me go as fast or as slowly as I need and not rush me or hold me back.
4. I need a Master. I need someone I can admire and adore. I need to serve. I need You to let me do that. I do not need to be Your mother or Your house keeper. My work isn't as physical, but it is as demanding. I need to know what You expect of me, You know I'll do anything You require. On the other hand, I am not here to follow You around and constantly pick up after You. I realize this is not an equal partnership in the usual sense. I believe that the dominant male is a chauvinist at heart. I also believe, however that it takes nothing away from Your dominant personality to help keep our home at a level of neat and tidy that we both can comfortably live with. I need You to recognize that my threshold for neat and tidy is a bit lower than Yours. I need You to recognize that I need physical order in my life.
5. I need ritual and tradition in my life. I love the ritual we have in the morning, when You put on my collar. My day goes better when we have completed that particular ritual. My heart glows warmly all day long because of it. Yea, yea, yea, I know, You think that's a bit overly romantic, but it's true.
6. I need boundaries. I need limits. I have no self-control. I need You to guide me in that. I need You to help me learn patience. I need You to be able to see beyond the whining and begging for things I want and not give them to me. I need You to be gentle with me in this. It will be a hard lesson for me to learn, but with Your guidance I know I can.
7. I realize, as much as I want this relationship, it may not last as long as we both desire now. I need to know that if it ever ends, You will still be spiritually with me in my search for another to serve. I need to know You approve of the new dominant in my life.
8. I need Your continued love, strength, and guidance. The life I have chosen is difficult in the best of circumstances. We live on the fringe and I often feel great sadness and loneliness because of the lack of companionship of others in this life. I need to know that with Your love and strength I can overcome those feelings and continue the road I've chosen.
9. I need to know You want me for what I am. That my personality, my wit, my intelligence are also things You desire in me. You have always said my submission is the most important thing, that we can work on all the rest. I don't want to become a different person. It took me a long time to learn to like who I am. What I am is submissive, intelligent, sincere, witty, humorous, sensitive and honest. I need to know You want me for these traits as well as the submissive trait.
10. I need You to love me. I need You to rule me.
April 2002 Addendum
Our life together has been good. i wouldn't trade it for anything. i think we have grown closer, both emotionally and physically, than i would have ever imagined was possible. i believe i am freeing the woman You know is inside me. i know there are times i drive You to the very edge of Your last nerve, this afternoon was one of those times. What happened this afternoon, is the reason i am adding the addendum.
11. i need You to listen to me when i talk. If You ask me a question, i need to know You really want to know the answer. i need to know that You are not asking me a question as a stepping stone for You to launch into a monologue about the real reason for the question, something that has to do with You. You may think You are being polite, but i find it frustrating. i am always willing to listen to You when You want to 'debrief' from the day, i honestly believe i deserve the same consideration. If You want to know about my day/ what i think/ how i feel, please let me answer completely before You turn the attention to You. OR, tell me You want me to ask about You the first thing when i get home, and i will. i will listen carefully and faithfully to whatever You want to talk about. And then, please give me the opportunity to do the same. We both have stressful jobs. We both need an opportunity to unwind. i need it as much as You. To keep me emotionally stable i need You to allow me that unwind time, interrupted only by questions/statements/opinions about my side, not as a seque into Your side.
12. i need to have order in my life. i need You to be consistent. If You want to do something and You want me involved, please don't tell me one thing, and then leave me standing while You get side tracked doing something else. We joke about me sitting at the door while You do those last minute things. i don't know if You are aware of how much that frustrates me. i don't care about the coke, or the water or the bathroom stop on the way out the door. What does frustrate me is when You say You are ready to do something and then start doing something else. Our minds will never work on the same level. i know that and i try not to show my frustration. i know it's not my place to set boundaries and rules. i also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this one trait will be a major contributor to the failing of our relationship if something isn't done about it. i know You won't change completely. i know You won't change over night. i'm not even sure i want You to change. i need You to understand that the level of frustration i feel about this one thing, is very nearly reached the maximum.
13. i need to know You are still interested in my training. i know that since You have been back our professional lives have been hectic. i know i have no right to demand attention from You. i do know what You told me two years ago, and i do know You have never rescinded that. i need regular training. i need to have pain. i need to have the humiliation of preparing myself for it. A slap and tickle on the odd morning is not enough. A few minutes with the crop or the buggy whip or the slapper just because You think it will appease me is not enough. i need You to want these thing for me just as much as i need them to be done. When i feel You are just 'taking care' of me, it is almost unbearable. When i feel You are giving me pain just to put me in a better mood, or to keep me quiet, it saddens me beyond belief. i need to feel that i am important enough to You that You are interested in my training and want to continue it.
14. i need to know i am needed by You. Perhaps we have grown so comfortable together that we believe we still have the same dynamic now as when we first started our life together. i have been wondering about this for a long long time. i wonder if it is. i need You to look at our life from Your side. i neeed to know if it is what You want it to be? Is it what we think it is? Are we willing to make the effort to take it back to where it began or are we willing to accept the change and work together to make it work.
15. i need to know if by writing this i have overstepped my limits.
Things I need from this relationship.
1. I need to know that nothing I do will turn You against me. I need to feel secure in the knowledge that You are willing to take the time to work with me on any problems I might have concerning this relationship.
2. I need to have someone who is willing to take control of my private life. I need to know I have no need to fear what is coming in the days ahead because You will be there to guide and direct me. This need also concerns my professional life. I don't expect You to make professional decisions for me, but I will appreciate a sounding board when I have problems I must face.
3. I need You to be to let me explore my sexuality. I need You to not put me down for secret desires I might have. I need You to encourage me to explore those desires. I need You to protect me from myself if I get carried away in my experimentation. I need You to be in control when I am not. I need You to show me the way, let me go as fast or as slowly as I need and not rush me or hold me back.
4. I need a Master. I need someone I can admire and adore. I need to serve. I need You to let me do that. I do not need to be Your mother or Your house keeper. My work isn't as physical, but it is as demanding. I need to know what You expect of me, You know I'll do anything You require. On the other hand, I am not here to follow You around and constantly pick up after You. I realize this is not an equal partnership in the usual sense. I believe that the dominant male is a chauvinist at heart. I also believe, however that it takes nothing away from Your dominant personality to help keep our home at a level of neat and tidy that we both can comfortably live with. I need You to recognize that my threshold for neat and tidy is a bit lower than Yours. I need You to recognize that I need physical order in my life.
5. I need ritual and tradition in my life. I love the ritual we have in the morning, when You put on my collar. My day goes better when we have completed that particular ritual. My heart glows warmly all day long because of it. Yea, yea, yea, I know, You think that's a bit overly romantic, but it's true.
6. I need boundaries. I need limits. I have no self-control. I need You to guide me in that. I need You to help me learn patience. I need You to be able to see beyond the whining and begging for things I want and not give them to me. I need You to be gentle with me in this. It will be a hard lesson for me to learn, but with Your guidance I know I can.
7. I realize, as much as I want this relationship, it may not last as long as we both desire now. I need to know that if it ever ends, You will still be spiritually with me in my search for another to serve. I need to know You approve of the new dominant in my life.
8. I need Your continued love, strength, and guidance. The life I have chosen is difficult in the best of circumstances. We live on the fringe and I often feel great sadness and loneliness because of the lack of companionship of others in this life. I need to know that with Your love and strength I can overcome those feelings and continue the road I've chosen.
9. I need to know You want me for what I am. That my personality, my wit, my intelligence are also things You desire in me. You have always said my submission is the most important thing, that we can work on all the rest. I don't want to become a different person. It took me a long time to learn to like who I am. What I am is submissive, intelligent, sincere, witty, humorous, sensitive and honest. I need to know You want me for these traits as well as the submissive trait.
10. I need You to love me. I need You to rule me.
April 2002 Addendum
Our life together has been good. i wouldn't trade it for anything. i think we have grown closer, both emotionally and physically, than i would have ever imagined was possible. i believe i am freeing the woman You know is inside me. i know there are times i drive You to the very edge of Your last nerve, this afternoon was one of those times. What happened this afternoon, is the reason i am adding the addendum.
11. i need You to listen to me when i talk. If You ask me a question, i need to know You really want to know the answer. i need to know that You are not asking me a question as a stepping stone for You to launch into a monologue about the real reason for the question, something that has to do with You. You may think You are being polite, but i find it frustrating. i am always willing to listen to You when You want to 'debrief' from the day, i honestly believe i deserve the same consideration. If You want to know about my day/ what i think/ how i feel, please let me answer completely before You turn the attention to You. OR, tell me You want me to ask about You the first thing when i get home, and i will. i will listen carefully and faithfully to whatever You want to talk about. And then, please give me the opportunity to do the same. We both have stressful jobs. We both need an opportunity to unwind. i need it as much as You. To keep me emotionally stable i need You to allow me that unwind time, interrupted only by questions/statements/opinions about my side, not as a seque into Your side.
12. i need to have order in my life. i need You to be consistent. If You want to do something and You want me involved, please don't tell me one thing, and then leave me standing while You get side tracked doing something else. We joke about me sitting at the door while You do those last minute things. i don't know if You are aware of how much that frustrates me. i don't care about the coke, or the water or the bathroom stop on the way out the door. What does frustrate me is when You say You are ready to do something and then start doing something else. Our minds will never work on the same level. i know that and i try not to show my frustration. i know it's not my place to set boundaries and rules. i also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this one trait will be a major contributor to the failing of our relationship if something isn't done about it. i know You won't change completely. i know You won't change over night. i'm not even sure i want You to change. i need You to understand that the level of frustration i feel about this one thing, is very nearly reached the maximum.
13. i need to know You are still interested in my training. i know that since You have been back our professional lives have been hectic. i know i have no right to demand attention from You. i do know what You told me two years ago, and i do know You have never rescinded that. i need regular training. i need to have pain. i need to have the humiliation of preparing myself for it. A slap and tickle on the odd morning is not enough. A few minutes with the crop or the buggy whip or the slapper just because You think it will appease me is not enough. i need You to want these thing for me just as much as i need them to be done. When i feel You are just 'taking care' of me, it is almost unbearable. When i feel You are giving me pain just to put me in a better mood, or to keep me quiet, it saddens me beyond belief. i need to feel that i am important enough to You that You are interested in my training and want to continue it.
14. i need to know i am needed by You. Perhaps we have grown so comfortable together that we believe we still have the same dynamic now as when we first started our life together. i have been wondering about this for a long long time. i wonder if it is. i need You to look at our life from Your side. i neeed to know if it is what You want it to be? Is it what we think it is? Are we willing to make the effort to take it back to where it began or are we willing to accept the change and work together to make it work.
15. i need to know if by writing this i have overstepped my limits.