jdmklein | Master's Vacation rant Redux

i know what i am doing. i hate myself for it. Yet i can't seem to stop myself. It happens every year. The time is getting closer for Master to leave and i am becoming BitchWoman from Hell. i am reacting to His leaving by making Him glad to be getting away from me. This happens every year. Bless His heart, He knows what i am doing and takes it in stride. Actually, He knows what i am doing and makes me feel even worse about doing it, because He refuses to react to my sheenanigans. Which of course makes me act all that much worse. Perhaps if He would react, i don't know what i want Him to do, i don't want to be punished. i push Him away because He is leaving me. My head knows He is going on vacation and not abandoning me, but my heart makes me act the bitch. The nagging shrew fishmonger's woman. All the men i have loved have left me. None of the others have come back. Master always does, but i also always have to make myself the least attractive person i can be just to test Him. Why do i do this to Him? Why do i do this to me? i am miserable because i am being so nasty. And i can't seem to do anything about it. i was the same way last year, and the year before and the year before that. And He still returns. What will it take to convince me?