We went to breakfast yesterday with sister and her husband. When Mother called on Saturday to ask them about it, everything was all fine and hunky-dorie for leaving after 10 after the car race. I find a pretty good movie to watch on AMC and think this will be ok, they won't be ready to go until the movie is almost over. She calls about 9 Sunday morning wanting to know if we are ready. i mention the fact that she had said the day before they would be ready later. She says she will tape the rest of the movie. Fine, mother doesn't have a video player, but ok, fine.

We go to the restaurant they suggest, it's full, with a waiting line. Don't suggest the one i wanted to go to, no, let's go to this one, or that one all the way in Waterloo, more difficult, actually to get to than the one i wanted to go to in the first place. We get there, have a two minute wait for a table and a 45 minute wait for the food. The 10:00 brunch was a 12:30 lunch. While we are there Sister says she is taking Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday off.

Great, i'll be gone. She had said don't make any plans for her birthday, it's the big Five Oh, and i took her at her word. Now she tells me she wants to do stuff on her days off. They will be going on vacation about the time i get back from S.C. for two weeks. i leave for Kuwait about two weeks after S.C. i am really hating parts of this vacation. i called her last night and we talked for a bit. i told her if she had even given me a hint that she was planning some time off , i would not have made the plans i did. She says it's no big deal. It is a big deal. i miss her. Fuck! i've always felt lucky that my family wasn't as messed up as some i know. Now i'm wondering if we really are, or if it is just me.

i hate it when all i can do is rant when i write. i don't have Master to talk things out with. i know He reads this regularly, and that pleases me, but it's not the same as having instant feedback. He asked if i was going to keep it up while i'm on my big adventure. A laptop would be nice about now. He said many motels offer a space with computers, so i'll have to be sure to check. i plan to take a notebook along and then when i get there i can make one big entry if i have the opportunity. Or i can do it when i get back to Mother's.

For dinner Mother and i went to Panera, a really nice Seattle type coffee shop with a soup and sandwich menu and deserts that are killer. i had a veggie sandwich and a bowl of black bean soup. i am amazed that now that Mother is single again, it isn't any problem to go out for nearly every meal, like it was when she was married. Do we think she was just rebelling? We brought home a big sweet roll to share for breakie today. i could go there again many times. House made breads, wow! and a bagguette is served with the soup, so a sandwich really isn't needed
i won a prize tonight. Travelled the farthest distance to get to the reunion. Of course since i was having fun, John and Ellen wanted to leave early. i would have liked to stay longer, but they were my ride, so i had to go. John and Ellen won two prizes. This is their first reunion, they've lived less than 40 miles from home town but this is the first for them. They also were one of only two couples who have been married to the same person for over 30 years. They will have 35 in December. The other couple just celebrated 35 in June. They are rare people. One woman has been married at least 5 times. Two had ten or more grandchildren. Some have retired already. i don't know what i would do if i were retired. It's nice to think about some days, other days it's scarey as hell.


Stayed out late last night and probably drank more than i should have, but Ellen said she only noticed when i mispoured the last beer. Tonight i behaved. One beer and two kaluhas. The meal wasn't bad, but i have certainly had better. For the amount of money we had to pay i at least expected a sit down dinner, it was buffet.

Mother and i had a discussion yesterday. She says she doesn't understand the competition between sister and me. i don't see it as competition. i told her i don't believe sister's husband likes me, and i prefer not to be around him because of this. i don't want to pull away from her, but i don't enjoy spending time with them. i know this will come out sounding wrong, but i come home every year to see her. It seems to me the least she could do is pencil in some time on her calendar for me. i'm not being petty, i'm feeling hurt. Mother doesn't see it that way. She likes him and doesn't understand why i don't. i have no idea where this is going to go.

i asked Mother if she wanted to go out for breakfast tomorrow morning. She asked Sister, et al. Now we have to wait until after the race on tv because he has to watch it. i'm in a bitchy mood i guess. It really doesn't matter, i was thinking about it being a brunch sort of thingie anyway. i wanted to go to IHOP, but oh no, we have to go where he wants to go. Again, it's not a big deal, food is food, but if i say no, i want to go before 10, or no i want to go to IHOP then i'm the bad guy. Bah!

The first of the month Mother will have new neighbors. Two young men who work for the city, is what the landlord told me today. That will be nice maybe. If they don't have wild parties and such to upset mother. And if they have a lawn mower.
Why is it that traits i adore/admire/love in Master are the very things i despise in my sister's husband? Is it because i am jealous that she has someone else besides me? i know i've put this same rant in my journal at some point, but this just has to come out again or it will strangle me with black feelings. i am not sure it is him exactly, but what he means to her. i know she meant it as a compliment when she said he was just like a sister to her. But i can't help feeling that means she doesn't need me anymore. That feeling makes me behave ouchie around her. i know it stumps my mother that my mood changes so radically, and i guess it may hurt Auntie Nurse's feelings. i know it makes me feel bad, and then i get angry and then i get even worse. And i don't know how to make those feelings go away. i know how to make them go away, i just don't want to yet. i seem to enjoy wallowing in the muck of my own making. if i can be compassionate toward others and let things they do, traits they have that bother me flow off my back like water from a shower, why can't i do this with my feelings for my sister and her spouse?

Ok, now i'm on a poor me, poor pitiful me party roll. Son called tonight and invited me over to watch the movie A Dangerous Mind (?) about the math guy who is a psychitz. i said i didn't think i would. It wasn't too late, before 6, but i didn't feel like going out, even to see my favorite son. Now i feel bad about that too. i said i would come over Tuesday night, since he doesn't have to work on Wednesday, but then too late i remembered i am taking Mother to Wisconsin. We probably won't be back early enough for me to go over there. i must go over on Wednesday. i can take him and the kids out for a little lunch.

i have definitely decided i am going to rent a car to drive to Chas. Mother got on me a bit about why it was so important that i go there since i'm having so much trouble with the transport end. i got a bit snippy with her, but didn't tell her the real reason. i want a vacation. i come home every year, the dutiful daughter, and take mother with me anyplace i go. This year she doesn't want to go. She's still recovering from the divorce. She is doing quite well, but she isn't ready to go out and spend money yet. i offered to take her to the spa Sis and i went to a couple of years ago for a little rest and relaxation, but she wasn't taking. i don't want to spend all of my summer vacation being chief cook and bottle washer and chauffeur to my mother. Besides that, Woowoo is the only other real time submissive i know face to face. i need to be around someone who knows where i'm at. Even if it is only a few days out of the year. i need it.

Anyway, i'm renting a car and driving myself to South Carolina. i have never taken a trip by myself, and it's about time i say. i will leave on August 1 and be back on August 8 or so. i am intentionally going to miss Auntie Nurse's birthday. So what? She doesn't need me. She has him. BAH!

Mother and i sent a coursage to Nattie for her birthday. We left instructions for the florist to call before delivering it, to be sure she is home. i want her to take the flowers from the delivery man. We said to make it like a princess coursage.

Friday night is the reunion get-together. i'll probably have another rant on Saturday. Oh good
i hit the ground running this morning and didn't stop till nearly 1 this afternoon. Now that may not sound like much but i started at 4:30. Have nearly the whole unit finished. It needs some cosmetic stuff, but the basics are there, and i felt good.

Then i talked to my mother. There are times when i truly hate that i am living away from my family. i miss so much. i'm sure they don't intend to leave me out of what is going on in their lives, but it happens. And now i'm nearly crushed by what has happened to my family in the recent past.

My brother has lost his job. At his level finding something new is often difficult. The company he was repairing has been sold and he is no longer needed. He is keeping a good attitude about the whole thing and he is expecting three offers to come through this week. i hope it happens and i hope at least one of them is something he really wants. There was a time when he changed jobs about as often as he changed underwear, and each move was a step up the corporate ladder. Now he's nearly at the top and out of a job. i hope he has good luck.

My uncle died this week. i haven't seen him or talked to him in several years. He was the husband of my father's youngest sister. After my father died we sort of lost touch with that side of the family. But Uncle Bud and Aunt Mary were the two i kept in touch with. Aunt Mary died three years ago, and i missed the funeral. Now Uncle Bud is gone, and again , i'm not going to be able to be a part of it. i have no one to grieve with me. And that is a sad thing.

My mother's ex is still being a shit. But this is not something that is new to me at least. i always thought he was. She is not to go up to the farm at all, ever. Not that she has any reason to do so, but to be told she can't is just plain stupid. He has a small antique lamp that mother forgot to take when she moved out. He says she has to get it or it's going to the dump, but she can't go there. Such a conundrum.

And sister says yes, she will go get it. She and her spouse will take care of it. But they are playing the control game. They will do it when they are damned good and ready and not one moment before. Which leaves Mother in a difficult place. Ah, yes, the wonder of dominance and control. i hope they are feeling good about what they are doing, but in all probablility they aren't even aware.

Son and wife are having custodial parent difficulties. The father all of a sudden decided to tell the child care place that the kids weren't going to be there during the summer. What the fuck was he thinking, he knows both Son and wife work. Why do people do things like this to intentionally cause harm? What is it that makes them do it? Even in my meanest moments i'm not certain i could do something to intentionally cause stress. There isn't anyone i hate enough to do it to.

And this is what i am going home to.
We did our good deed for the week. One of the men who works with Master moved into our building today. We had them over for dinner tonight because their house isn't settled. It worked out fine. They were a bit late and then had to leave because someone called and wanted to see the new place. So they weren't here much more than 45 minutes.

That sort of sounds unfriendly or unkind but that's just the way i am. i like the couple but i do feel a bit uncomfortable. This is not a prejudice but she is Philippine. It seems most American men get hooked up with Philippine women. They come over here as maids and become quite acommodating to them. And suddenly all of a sudden by accident they are pregnant. And the stupid men who only think with their dicks do the 'proper' thing and marry them. Sometimes for real, sometimes in a muslim ceremony so they can live together. Of course this ceremony is not recognized as legal in any other country so
the poor girl often gets stuck when the guy leaves. But she has the one thing she really wanted which is an American child. That's an automatic admission to the U.S. and a green card. And that, folks, is what it's all about.

One mad who works with Master is on his third Philippina. One has taken him for over 100,000$ and on top of that, she was already married and still married when she married him. He put her in a house in the states and bought her a car. As soon as he came back here to work she sold the car, a small one, colt or something, for a bigger one, because an American 'wife' shouldn't have to drive such a small economy car. Then she has her Philippino husband come over and live in the house with her. Of course the American is such a sucker he can't kick her out until the kids, not even his, are through school. What bullshit. And that is just one, there about a gazillion other stories like that. i never ran into this kind of thing in Taiwan, but it is all the rage over here.

This is a prejudice. These men who marry foreigners have a particular mindset. They may not even know they are dominant, or realize it, but what they are looking for is a submissive, meek, mild, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth woman who will do whatever the Big Manly Macho man says. It is my opinion they are afraid of a woman from their own culture, American, because American women have asserted themselves in am overt way. Women in other cultures are more covert about it. I'm making a sweeping generalization here. These women are conniving, and duplicitous. They will do anything they need to. Everyone thinks Muslim women are so down trodden, bah! Muslim men are the biggest cowards around. They wouldn't say shit if they had a mouthful when it comes to their women. Why in the world anyone of them would want four wives, is beyond me.

Of course the women are shrews. They are naggers and mean and spiteful, simply because they feel they have to be in order to get what they want. It's a miserable circle. At least American women put it out there. And these men who marry outside their cultures can't deal with it.

How the heck did i get from dinner for neighbors to Muslim and Philippine women? Yea gods, and little fish hooks.

At any rate i am uncomfortable around these couples. And there are many many reasons.
Sometimes I wonder just how much nagging I can do. I ask Master for something or that I need help with something or something needs to be done and Master says He'll do it. And then it doesn't get done. He forgets or puts it out of His mind. For example, one of the labia rings got a little out of shape, I have no idea how. I asked Master if He would straighten it, because it was a bit painful. He said yes. A week goes by, nothing. I'm being pinched, and uncomfortable but I don't know if I should ask again or wait or what. Another day goes by and I asked again. He said He would, again nothing. The next day I ask again. Finally I ask Him how much I should nag about stuff like this. Finally it gets taken care of. I would do it myself, but this particular problem is something I can't get to. It takes another person.

He says things like 'maybe' or 'I'm thinking about…..' or 'Sometime' and then nothing happens. Sometimes I think He doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Or sometimes I think He really means it, but then gets side tracked and forgets. I know it isn't intentional, I think, I know. I tell Him not to tease me, not to get my hopes up. He says He wouldn't do that, and then He forgets. I guess these things aren't as important to Him as they are to me. I just wish He wouldn't. I know His intentions are good, but I wish He wouldn't.

Another example, about 6 weeks ago He said He was going to order new nipple rings and labia rings. Yesterday, when He finally straightened the labia ring, I asked if He ever ordered the new rings. I'm afraid I'll lose a bead on the nipple rings or the labia ones. The nipple rings I can replace, but not the labia. Oh, shit, sez He, I forgot. And then there come the excuses. I guess I don't mind the forgetfulness as much as the excuses. They aren't really, they are just lame.

This isn't a real rant, well it is. For the most part my life with Master is excellent. There are a few little things that I am not so easily able to assimilate. It hurts my feelings. And right now I'm having trouble getting over it.

I think I know the reason I'm having these feelings. It's almost time for me to leave Master for the summer. I think I'm trying to make him angry so it won't hurt so much when I leave. That isn't exactly what I mean, but it's close. I'm trying to test Him, to see if He really feels about me the way He says He does.

I'm done. And I don't care if He does read it.
Today we dried sea salt in the oven. We went for an early morning swim. Ate brunch on the balcony and began working on cleaning out the play room. Some day, we may have a dungeon. Some day.

i have decided that Master and i can be together for the rest of our lives and i will never understand how He thinks. Sometimes we can get to the same place and even almost at the same time, but never in the same direction. Sometimes, i just can't understan how He can't see how logical my way is, and how illogical HIS way is. Perhaps that is what makes us so good together. Who knows?

i'm beginning to feel more and more isolated from my family and i hate it. i hate the anger i am feeling toward my sister and her husband. i know it is jealousy. He is her best friend now, and i have to take second place. i know it, but i don't have to like it. These feelings are making it very difficult for me to get excited about going home in July.

i wouldn't except for my mother. i would hate to think the last time i saw her was last year.

All kinds of thoughts of meanness are running through my head all the time. Ways to make my sister as sad as i am feeling about losing what we had for so long. i don't believe i will be spending any time at her house. i suppose it's fortunate that Mother is only a couple of blocks away from her. She can come to Mother's if she wants to see me.

i keep trying to think of things to do with Mother this summer. i know she's had a bad last 8 months. i know she enjoyed the train trip to California last year. i'm thinking of taking her to Birdwing Spa in Minnesota. It is very relaxing, and she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want. But there are all kinds of exercise classes and swimming and hiking and canoing if she would like. i've sent her an email with the website. We'll see what she says.

If she doesn't want to do that, then i'm pretty sure i'm going to rent a car and take a week and drive to S. Carolina. Spend a few days there and then drive back by way of a different route. i've never driven a long way on my own. Always had someone to ride shotgun for me. i think it will be an interesting trip. Staying by myself in a motel, eating in a restaurant alone, being in the car and not having anyone tell me to turn the radio up/down/off, the a/c is too high, not high enough. Just me. Yea, just me.

i didn't drink enough water this weekend. i've done the same thing again. My weight is up. Last night i told Master He'd better find a punishment tool, i felt this was going to happen. He said i could have until Sunday to get myself into the right place. He also said i am going to have to drink more water. In the week, i can get it in no problem. Water before i ride, after i ride, a half liter on the way to work. another half on the way home. A half liter before dinner and one again before bath. On the weekends, i don't have that liter in the car. i must get into the right mode. Damn it's hard. And it sucks. And i want this weight gone yesterday.

i'm gone.

rant

Apr. 28th, 2002 08:36 pm
i'm fussy today and i don't know why. i can hardly stay inside my skin. Absolutely everything has irritated me since i got home. i don't have a clue what is causing this. It's sort of an anxiety attack, but not really. It's sort of an anger, but again, not really. It's sort of a sadness, but NOT REALLY!

i do have an inkling as to what may be causing this, i lied. Yesterday i was told that i am being called the instigator of what is going on with the HSC course. The story is that i'm responsible for the resit of the mid semester exam. i'm the one who instigated the student strike. i am the one who is spreading rumors about what is going to happen to the merger of the FoM and our Faculty. i am making up all these lies and accusations because i want to make someone look bad and lose her job.

It would be funny if it weren't so darned far out wrong. i don't have to make that someone look bad. That someone is doing a darned good job without my help. Perhaps it is upsetting me more than i realize or more than i am willing to admit. For the life of me, that is the only thing i can think of that could be making my body feel this way. And i don't know what to do about it.

If i leave it alone, it will go away. i know that. But what damage will it have done to me by the time it does leave. i am not going to respond to the accusations. Master did mention He knew a place out in the desert where a shallow grave could be dug and no one would be the wiser. That is a joke. i am not going to lower myself to that level. i have nothing to defend.

i'm not even angry that this stuff is going around. i know the person has reached the Peter Principle and is in way over hir (thank you, Heather, for the spellings) head. i know this person has lost control and is doing anything to save hir skin. i guess this person is feeling stressed at the mess that is over there. That particular universe is in total chaos. The teachers over there don't talk to each other anymore because no one is sure who is in what camp. And it's that person's fault.

What i am is sad. i can't imagine what is going in this person's head that would enable hir to be so mean. And i can't imagine what it will be like when the shit hits hir fan and this person is standing in front of it. How sad must this person's life be. How close to the edge must this person be to be willing to say these things....not about me particularly but these things in general.

i am not adapting a holier-than-thou attitude. i just am not going to respond. it is not worth my time or effort. At the end of it all, i will be the one standing. This person won't be.But what makes one human so cruel to another? So evil? So full of rage, and unwilling to accept responsibility for it? Or for the situation that got hir into this spot in the first place? This person got a taste of perceived power and it corrupted this person.
i hate to say this, but i do believe the world would be a better place without hir.

This may be the cause of my distress, but i don't understand why. Why am i letting someone else's failure affect me in this way? What happens to hir shouldn't affect me in any way at all. or is it effect me? no affect i think
There is a thread going on-line now about education

Some people are reverse snobs when it comes to education.
i am what i am and that better be good enough for anybody.
i dropped out of school and then went back and got my GED.
Good, for you.
Now, answer this question.
Are we supposed to fall all over you just because you did that?
i went back after 18 years, got the BA and the MA and would you like to know why?
Because there was an emptiness inside me that craved to be filled. As i got older the desire for what i wanted to learn changed, but never once did i decide i no longer wanted book learning. i still want it, and do as much of it as i can when i can but that is beside the point.

Three questions were asked.

what/who are you paying for?

Paying for university
i paid for the privilege of talking with some of the most brilliant minds in their particular fields.
i paid for the privilege of being able to pick their brains and be given the freedom to take what they had to offer and apply it to my ideas of the universe.
i paid for the privilege of being able to be in a place where all of the new ideas are spawned.
i paid for the privilege of being able to be a part of that, to be on the cutting edge of any new idea.
i paid for the privilege of being able to sit in a building full of books written by people who are admired all over the world.
i paid for the privilege of being educated by more than just books.
One thing i learned very early on in my university career was it isn't only how much you know, its also about learning how to get the information you don't know. A university education isn't just about book learning. It's also about discipline. It's learning how to discipline your thoughts so that something new/unconventional can come from them. It's learning how to think outside the box.
With the help of the people who helped me acquire the knowledge i learned the theoretical aspect as well as the practical of my areas of interest.
If you have to ask what it is and why you are paying for it, you must not believe that a person's mind has much value, because that is probably the most important part of a university education.
The student is given the opportunity to expand his/her mind. She is given the opportunity to pick the brains of people who have already been there done that and are willing to share what they have learned in the hopes that the next question will come from someone who will take that revolutionary idea to its next level.

Sure, a university education isn't for everyone. Just like coffee isn't for everyone. Just like owning a truck isn't for everyone. Just like living in a relationship that involves whips and chains and collars and cuffs isn't for everyone. But, and this is a big one, there are people who crave it, for whom continuous book learning is like a drug. There are people for whom a baccalaureate degree is enough. Just as there are people for whom there is never enough education. Just because one person doesn't see the need for it, doesn't mean there isn't one.

What will this education do for you?
My education is helping to make me complete. There is still a hole inside me that needs stuffing. Perhaps it will get smaller and smaller with the more studying i do. On the other hand, it could expand more and more as I learn how much there is i don't know. i'm not even talking about stuff i don't know i don't know. i'm talking about in my particular area. And once i get a better handle on what i know i don't know, i will move on to things i haven't even thought of yet.

What goal do you have in mind?

My goal isn't financial security. i know factory workers who have better financial security than i will ever have. The course i have charted to become the complete me has come at a greater expense than mere money. i recognize there are many things i may never have. i have friends who have far more of the material world than i will ever have. i recognize that i may never own my own home again. i may never have a new car. My clothes may come from consignment stores, And i don't care.

My goal is to become complete. That may never happen. i don't believe it's wrong to continue the process. Some may choose to do it through practical hands on experiences. i want both. i want the theoretical as well as the practical. i want to learn, and i want to apply what i learn to other situations.

One important thing i have learned, or at least have accepted is that a degree isn't necessary for me anymore. But i know i must continue to be a student. And university is where i want to be.

There is something innervating about being on a university campus. i feel most alive there. i look at the faces of the students and see the future. It is a rarefied atmosphere, i admit it. And sometimes i forget.
Back when i was working on my graduate degree i read an interesting piece of information. In the U.S. only 16% of the population had completed a university education. Of that 16% only 4 % went on to complete a graduate degree. Of those 4% only 2 % ever completed a post graduate degree. There aren't many of us. And that's ok. Perhaps in the grand scheme of things there aren't supposed to be. i don't know.

But i do get weary of hearing about people who have a snobbish attitude about the particular level of formal education they have received.
Yesterday i learned one of my teachers wasn't going to get her contract renewed. All the rest of the day i struggled with trying to figure out how to tell her. i knew i was going to have to do things like this when i took on the admin position, but i guess i always thought i would be terminating someone i didn't like. But i like K. Drat. i decided i would tell her today, after class, face-to-face.

i talked to her before class and felt like a heel asking her if she had time to work on the revised curriculum for next year. She said yes, no problem, and went on to class. About 8:20 the phone rang and it was Abdulla, asking that i return the intent to renew for contracts as soon as possible, even if it meant going into the classroom and getting the signatures. K's was one of the people who needed to sign. Abdulla said she should go ahead and sign it, he would give it to the dean and see what happened from there.

i breathed a huge sigh of relief. The rest of the day wasn't so bad. About 12:30 Abdulla called again and said the dean had recommended K and the letter had been sent on to the vice-Rector and Rector. We just have to wait and see if it will slip throug.

i went into K's office and told her what the situation was. Abdulla said we should know in a short time....i am sure he meant Kuwait time....This wasn't as difficult to do as if i had had to tell her her contract wasn't renewed, but damn, the woman has gone through a truck load of trouble ever since D hired her and then left the country without waiting to see if the uni people would approve her. He never should have hired her in the first place. She doesn't have the required credential.

She has taken it all very well. i'm sure she goes home at night and beats her head against the wall. i know she doesn't kick the cats because she loves them too much, but gad, i would hate to live in her shoes.

Speaking of approved credentials:

Opened up the hiring email account today and the first letter i read was a horrid blast against me and the university. i realize it was just bitter grapes and one person's attempt to blow off steam. On the other hand, it sure hit me square in the pit of my stomach to read those kind of words directed at me. i have decided i won't lower myself to his level by responding directly to him, but just as a cathartic measure for myself........


Dear Sir:

Apparently you need to go back and study some of those remedial reading books you say you are so familiar with. Please go back and check the website for the advertisement you responded to. It clearly states that the university requires its English langauge instructors to be native speakers of English and have a Master's Degree in Applied Linguistics or TESOL. How can you mistake those to areas of study with history? What makes you think that just because some place hires you as a warm body for a conversation class that your degrees can come even close to being equivalent to the university's requirement? G0 Bakd and Read the Ad again you ass.

Draft 2

Dear Sir:

I showed your letter to the other members of my faculty. They agreed with me. They are very happy you don't have the appropriate credential. They all felt you were a horse's ass and would have hated having to work with you.

Draft 3

Dear Sir:

I am so happy you felt you could use me as a virtual punching bag. I hope you felt a catharsis and your blood pressure was lowered not only writing but also sending that vitriolic piece of drivel. If you think so little of our Bandaid Faculty of Nursing, why are you so upset that I am unable to hire you because you don't have the appropriate degrees? You sir, are an ass.

There, I feel relieved and I can tell you without a doubt, my blood pressure has gone down.

Master laughed when i showed Him the letter. i laughed too, every time i showed it to one of the teachers. But i still can't believe how it hit me when i first read it.

Oh well.....hell no oh well....this was not written by some young person who one might be willing to forgive because of bad parenting. This was written by a man older than i am. He should have known better. The stoopid ass.
i've just spent 30 minutes typing my fingers to the bone and there's a @#%#$#^% problem with live journal. i wonder if this will post?

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Julia Klein

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