i did 1600 metres today. It was supposed to be a bike day but when i got ready to take it out the door, the front tire was absolutely airless. So i went and changed my clothes and took a dip instead. Even as early as i go out, i can see that i'm getting some rays. My arms are getting a bit darker. i'm not getting much faster, but i sure am getting endurance strength back. The only bad thing about swimming everyday is now that my hair is longer i have to mess with it everyday, and i'm sure learning to hate that big time.

My mind is like an open book
Whose pages flutter in the breeze
Flipping from one chapter in a life
To another
No rhyme, no reason, nothing new
Nothing old
My life is like an open book.
The Things i Love About You
1) I love Your smile. When You smile it makes Your whole face light up. Your eyes get that devilish twinkle in them and egad! Man, that turns me on. I like Your beard. It sets off Your lips and the rest of Your mouth so nicely. I like Your beard best when it's neatly trimmed, You really do clean up nice, but even at the end of the week, when You don't have to look pretty for all the others, I still like Your beard.

2) I love the touch of Your hands on my skin. I've noticed that lately You've been using a lot of Cornhusker's lotion on them. I want to believe that is to keep them smooth and soft for me. But even if it isn't, I still love the touch of Your hands on my skin.

3) I love to touch You too. It doesn't have to be sexual. I like the thought of being able to reach out almost anytime I want and feel another living being next to me. Unless of course, it's a Thursday morning, in which case if I reach out to touch You after about 7:00, I'll be touching where You were, not where You are, because You get up so golldurned early. The best thing is when You come back to bed after You've talked to all Your other women, and I get You all to myself. I really love that.

4) Your sense of humor is another thing I love about You. I know I've told You this many many times, but I can't tell You enough. I lived with a man for 16 years who never once laughed at the same things I enjoyed. He never once played the silly kinds of word games we play together. He just didn't understand how to do it. And he would become upset and angry if my kids and I got off on one of those sillies, or if E and I got going. When You understand where I'm going and pick up and carry on with me, it brings such joy to my heart. I know many people would think we were weird, if they could hear the way we talk to each other, but I don't care. So there.

5) Speaking of talking. I love that we talk. I don't always love what we talk about. Sometimes You drive me crazy when You want to talk about things I have no interest in. I try to follow along, because I'm afraid if You think I'm not listening we will begin not to talk to each other. And I don't want that to ever happen. Some day ask me what I dislike about the fact that we talk. I'll tell You, but not until You ask.

6) I love Your thoughtfulness. You think I don't notice the things You do around the house for me. Believe me, I do. I don't mention it always, because I know You like to point them out to me. And that's ok, too. But even when You don't tell me, I recognize the things You've done, and I always appreciate it.

7) I love the romantic in You. Don't get this wrong. There is no one who could ever accuse You of being a 'girlie man'. But You are a tender hearted soul. You know what little touches make a woman's heart flutter. The fact that You like to have candles around, is an example. That You put on the potpourri pot without being asked. The flowers You bring. You don't do it every week, or even every month, and that's ok. That shows me that when You do bring them it is because You have made a special effort. It isn't an habitual action that You do. I love that You tell me You love me. Even without being provoked into saying it. I love that the first thing in the morning when You wake up, You tell me that. It makes my day off to a great start. I love that You are tender with me. Your concern for my well-being is another thing that touches my heart.
A quiet night at home. A lazy day. Somehow the coffe pot disappeared. Master and i looked all over the kitchen for it. Have no clue where it could have gone. i know it was on the coffee maker yesterday morning when i left for work. Maybe the cleaning woman accidently broke it, maybe she did some creative putting away. If she had broken it, i would have thought she'd have set it out for me to see. Maybe she is trying to get a replacement, nice trick if it can be done. Of course, on the other hand, it could have sprouted legs and walked off.

Because i couldn't find the pot, i didn't get my morning coffee fix. Because i didn't get the caffiene in time, i got a headache. Because of the headache, i took a nap, for 3 hours. i guess i can kiss sleep goodbye tonight.

We didn't go to the desert today as planned. It was just too windy. Would not be fun eating grit and getting sunburned AND sand blasted. J called to say she wouldn't be able to make it because of the dust affecting her allergies. K was up for it, but said she understood if we didn't. A was sad, he had planned to talk with Master about wiring an FM antenna, insulation and some other thing, i forget what. We are going to try again tomorrow. Master has got it all planned out for shade. We may just go out for a trial run no matter what the weather.

i've been working on a pain piece. i can't get it to say what i want it to say. How dumb is that? i feel it, but i can't explain it. The words are in my head, i can't make them come out. i am easily distracted tonight and don't understand that either. i am not able to focus on what i'm trying to do.

My mind is like an open book
Whose pages flutter in the breeze
flipping from one chapter in a life
to another
no rhyme, no reason, nothing new
Nothing old
My life is like an open book.

Today, i just want to tell You all the things i love about You.

1) i love Your smile. When You smile it makes Your whole face light up. Your eyes get that devilish twinkle in them and egad! Man, that turns me on. i like Your beard. It sets off Your lips and the rest of Your mouth so nicely. i like Your beard best when it's neatly trimmed, You really do clean up nice, but even at the end of the week, when You don't have to look pretty for all the others, i still like Your beard.

2) i love the touch of Your hands on my skin. i've noticed that lately You've been using a lot of Cornhusker's lotion on them. i want to believe that is to keep them smooth and soft for me. But even if it isn't, i still love the touch of Your hands on my skin.

3) i love to touch You too. It doesn't have to be sexual. i like the thought of being able to reach out almost anytime iI want and feel another living being next to me. Unless of course, it's a Thursday morning, in which case if i reach out to touch You after about 7:00, i'll be touching where You were, not where You are, because You get up so golldurned early. The best thing is when You come back to bed after You've talked to all Your other women, and i get You all to myself. i really love that.

4) Your sense of humor is another thing iI love about You. i know i've told You this many many times, but i can't tell You enough. i lived with a man for 16 years who never once laughed at the same things I enjoyed. He never once played the silly kinds of word games we play together. He just didn't understand how to do it. And he would become upset and angry if my kids and i got off on one of those sillies, or if my sister and i got going. When You understand where i'm going and pick up and carry on with me, it brings such joy to my heart. i know many people would think we were weird, if they could hear the way we talk to each other, but i don't care. So there.

5) Speaking of talking. i love that we talk. i don't always love what we talk about. Sometimes You drive me crazy when You want to talk about things i have no interest in. i try to follow along, because i'm afraid if You think im not listening we will begin not to talk to each other. And i don't want that to ever happen. Some day ask me what iI dislike about the fact that we talk. i'll tell You, but not until You ask.

6) i love Your thoughtfulness. You think i don't notice the things You do around the house for me. Believe me, i do. i don't mention it always, because i know You like to point them out to me. And that's ok, too. But even when You don't tell me, iI recognize the things You've done, and i always appreciate it.

7) i love the romantic in You. Don't get this wrong. There is no one who could ever accuse You of being a 'girlie man'. But You are a tender hearted soul. You know what little touches make a woman's heart flutter. The fact that You like to have candles around, is an example. That You put on the potpourri pot without being asked. The flowers You bring. You don't do it every week, or even every month, and that's ok. That shows me that when You do bring them it is because You have made a special effort. It isn't an habitual action that You do. i love that You tell me You love me. Even without being provoked into saying it. i love that the first thing in the morning when You wake up, You tell me that. It makes my day off to a great start. i love that You are tender with me. Your concern for my well-being is another thing that touches my heart.
All of a sudden i'm nervous about writing here. When i was writing in my regular old journal, You knew about it. You knew how to access it and had the right to read any entry, any time. i think i remember being nervous when i started writing that one too. i do know for certain that You read the first 50-60 pages, because i printed them out and sat beside You several nights as You read them. i know You've read some of the entries in this journal too, because i gave You the story for Easter.

i think the thing that has me nervous is that You went back some entries after the Easter story and read what i had written about You on the couch. Then that night, in bed, You made the comment about reading about Yourself being remote control challenged in this journal too. You made a joke of it, but i'm not sure that deep inside You weren't giving me a warning about what is and isn't acceptable for this medium.

You know that writing is my way of getting my head around something that is bothering me, either in my life at work or here with You. If i have to worry about saying something that will displease You, i won't be able to use this as tool. i guess i'll just have to wait and see how long it takes for You to comment on this entry. i want You to read what i write, i want Your input and comments on the things i choose to write about.

When this became the journal of my life with You, i thought i had been given permission to write anything about anything. Your comments after reading the Easter story have made me wonder if i have made a mistake. if i have to censor my words and thoughts, please let me know. There are a couple of ways we can go about this. i can put my journal into private mode, and You will be the only one to read it, i can go back to writing in my old journal, or i can stop writing. i would hate the last option.
i'm a little bummed. When we got the dsl line, my computer started giving me fits. Master went to the states for 6 weeks and while He was gone, i used His computer. When He got back He worked and worked and worked on my computer but never could get it right. He finally took it to the computer store and the tech said my bios is too small/old i can't remember the exact word, to handle the dsl line. So i got a new computer. And it's a wozzer! Unfortunately i wasn't expecting this to happen, and therefore didn't save any of the files i had on my old hard drive to a floppy. Not that there was much that i really wanted to save, or was important to save. Only two files for sure. My journal, and my manuscript. Master said no problem, we'd just hook up the old drive to the new computer as a 'slave' get it? ha ha ha drive and i could just transfer the files from one drive to the other. Only there seems to be a problem. He connected the drive to my new computer....can't find the files. My new computer doesn't have the FAT32 dealiebop. He thinks that may be the reason the files aren't being read. He has now spent the better part of His after work day messing with my old hard drive on His computer. Something is definitely not right in Mudville, tonight. The hard drive now can't be found by His computer, ergo, no my files either.

The journal is the work of all the years Master and i have been together. It has seen me through some pretty difficult times. It has helped me get my head around what it is and who i am. Now i have this, and i've got some pages that i put on His computer, but those first 250 odd are still floating around in cyber purgatory some place. Master says not to worry, and i'm not, because i know He won't give up until He has done absolutely everything He knows to find my journal.

The other file that is important to me is my next book. i'm not sure i can recreate that. i may have to use the same idea and go about it from a different angle. That work is slow. i agonize over every word i write. i had thought i had about 6 months of writing left to do on it, now who knows?

Which brings me to one of the things i like best about Master. And that same thing that causes me to have fits. He loves to mess. He loves to pooch. He's happy when He's tinkering. He can sit at the table and work for hours on a piece of electronic equipment and in the end have it repaired. He knows just exactly everything there is to know about cars and plumbing and wood work and concrete and cement work and electricity and who knows what all else. And He has the patience to fuss about stuff until He has figured it out.

Eureka, as we very speak! i think He's discovered the hard drive problem. He's been messing with the wrong one. DUH! He finally got the drive open and has decided this is one from the states. i looked around and lo and behold, yes Virginia, there are three old hard drives on the desk, not two. Where the fuck did that one come from? Who knows?

Along with knowing everything about everything, comes the problem of having a whole lot on your mind and getting side tracked in the middle of a project. i'm sure this is what happened with the extra hard drive. He put my hard drive down, not paying attention to it, and when He wanted to work on it, He picked up the first one He saw. When we first met, and were comparing notes i mentioned that i was a neatnik. Not obsessive about tidy, but i like a clean kitchen, and at least a path through the living room, and having the ability to walk around three sides of my bed. Master says 'Well hell, I worked on airplanes for a living. I'm like a doc. I count the tools I take out and make sure I have the same number when I come back. My tool board has each tool outlined.' And i believed Him. HA!

He knows what He has at all times. But He doesn't always know where it is. One of the few problem spots we ever had is Him not putting things back when He's finished. And He doesn't always consider when He's done working for awhile, finished. Therefore, when He wants to work on something else, the right tool is hard to find. There have been times when i have thought this will be the straw that breaks this camel's back.

Right now i can laugh about it, because we think we've found the files. But i would be angry hurt crying if He hadn't discovered His mistake. And i am upset that He let this happen. Not upset in a M/s put Him on a lower pedestal kind of thing.

i feel a little guilty about all that i have written about Him. i'm not sure He will read it or not, or when. He knows how to find this. i don't want to upset Him or hurt His feelings by making Him think i only rant about Him. This is the last i write like this. i know He will understand i just feel uncomfortable about it.

But i'm not going to delete it. That was a rule i'd made when i first started my journal.

On another note.

i took my bike out to the ball park tonight. We left the house early, so i'd have some daylight time to ride. By my calculations i did about 10 miles, in about 25 minutes. Not Tour de France speeds for sure, but who cares? i feel great, nice and loose and well oiled. i'm going to seriously consider riding again in the morning before i go to work. The plan is to get up about 4:45 and be out on the street by 5:00. Ride for 30 minutes or so, and be back with enough time for a shower and breakie before i have to leave for the office. Don't suppose it would be sound planning to ride down to the doughnut shop.
Went to the only place in the country where one can get a real honest to god malted milk today for dinner, and i ordered a cherry coke. That's ok though, Master and i were there one day last week for dinner, and i had the malt then. i had a late exam today, and Master's car was in the shop, so, again, He decided we should catch a bite out. Next week i will work really hard to have dinners at home. i hate eating out.

i proctored the exam with P and then Master said we would take her home. Had some running to do before then, to the car shop to see if His car was done. It wasn't. He got fussy and i got a bit embarassed. Master stormed back to the car from the garage and threw His wallet and comb and pocket change on the dash muttering loudly about how this was the last time He was going to bring His car to this shop. He doesn't deal with incompetence very well. The mechanics had the car over 24 hours and still hadn't managed to get the work done. i know this is the way He deals with stress, but i was embarrassed because He blew in front of a friend of mine. It didn't matter that it was my friend, blowing like that in front of anyone would have embarrassed me.

In one respect it was a good thing to happen. i tend to place Him in a god-like position. That's a pretty high place from which to fall. Seeing Him be in a hissy fit is a good reminder for me that He is only a man. He has all the same faults and idiosyncracies that any other person has. Me even. i appreciate that He feels comfortable enough around my friends that He doesn't even think about His actions. By the time He came back from changing out of His work clothes and into jeans, He was ok, but i know He made P uncomfortable. But that's ok. Because that is human. And as much as i want to idolize Him, i shouldn't. Because He is human. If i ever forget that, and He does fail in some respect, it could be difficult for me to deal with. i'm glad He does these things once in awhile. It keeps Him human.

And then there are times like now. Again, tonight, He is on the couch checking His eyelids for leaks. I can watch Him. He reminds me of a gorilla in more ways than one. The shape of His body is like that of a gorilla, He has the cutest bubble butt. He has a barrel chest like a gorilla, and is only a little less hairy than one. He also has a lot in common with a silver back, because the hair on His back is turning silver too. He has nicely shaped legs, i tease Him about having girlie legs, but in fact, they are quite masculine. If toes could be prehensile, His would be the prototype. They are the longest toes i have ever seen. His feet aren't that big, but the length of His toes make them seem monstrous. He has an inny. He is circumised and i love looking at it. His nipples are quite large, and always a lovely pink.

Looking at Him, one knows right away that He is an athlete, and was military. He has no neck. His arms are not 'buff' but one can see the strength in them. He has short and hairy fingers. Most of the time His nails are clean and well cared for. But this morning i noticed they are in need of a manicure. That is on my list of 'to do' this weekend. His beard is greying, and under His chin needs shaving. He has a smallish nose and arresting blue eyes. The scars on His forehead can go unnoticed, but i'm a bit worried about the dent. i don't know if the metal plate has moved or if there is any cause for concern. But the dent is much more pronounced but i honestly can't say how long it has been that way. The best thing about being His bed partner is He doesn't snore.

My ring isn't ready. Now she says Friday afternoon. i know He thinks i'm only messing around, but i really am disappointed. Really. i wanted that ring back today so i could wear it tomorrow
All week long i've been anticipating having the ring back. i had planned what i'll wear to the office and everything. What earrings to go with it. How it will look with my collar. And now i have to wait until Friday afternoon. i feel a fashion crisis coming on. What am i going to wear to work tomorrow? WAAAA! WAAA! WAAA!

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Julia Klein

July 2017

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