Was a dreary day today. The sun did not shine. Thought a lot about what the topic for today should be. This is going to be non-sexual, non-D/s. Today I want to write about my feelings for Jim. Boy, that feels weird.

Jim is a Texan, but I won't hold that against him. Things that I like about Jim and why I like them.

1. He has a good heart. A caring heart. He wouldn't want anyone to know this about him. He likes to make people think he isn't so sensitive. Having lived these past year with him, I have made some discoveries. He wants things to be right. He is a controller, but more on that another time. He thinks of the little things that make a moment special. Some of the things that have touched my heart about him in this respect are the kitchen box he had waiting for me when I came here that first September. It wasn't much and it caused him no hardship to have it for me. He just cleaned out some drawers, I think. But that isn't the point. He cared enough about me to think to do it. I know he would do the same for anyone he had feelings for. He lights candles for no apparent reason. He likes to set a romantic mood. He doesn't come on all macho and strong all the time. One day he left the apartment to go to work. The phone rang right after he left. I wondered if I could catch him if the call was for him. As it turned out, it wasn't for him, it was from him. He was in the elevator, on the house phone. He called, he said, because he realized he forgot to say goodbye when he left for work. That touched my heart.
2. He likes to spend time with me. After having lived alone for so long, I have a bit of a problem believing my good fortune. I have said this before, but it bears repeating. I like that he wants me to be with him when he goes out of the house. I like that he enjoys my company. I like that he holds my hand when we are in the car. I feel sure that he would do the same in public if we lived in another place. He makes me feel special and it is such a little thing.
3. He has a great sense of humor. Sometimes I wonder about him, how close to insane he really might be. He can spin a yarn at the drop of a hat. We can begin a topic and it takes the wildest flight of fancy anyone could imagine. I sometimes think that if people heard us talking and understood what we were saying they would think we are both nut cakes. I like to play with words and he can follow along. I like to tell stories, and so does he. And he is much better at it than I am. Sometimes he gets a bit full of himself, but I can live with that. That, I think goes to the other side of our relationship.
4. He takes great pleasure in teasing me. It never makes me angry. He isn't cruel in what he says or does. But he always catches me. I believe what he tells me, I fall for it hook, line and sinker. And when I don't fall for it, I should. Those stories are the ones that are true. He makes me laugh. He thrills my heart. His teasing, I think is a sign of his feelings for me. And I take great pleasure in that.
5. Sometimes I watch him. Sometimes I think he knows I do, sometimes I don't think he is aware of me. I look at him and think how lucky I am. He is not the kind of man I have 'fallen' for in the past. All of the men I have dated have been very tall with long legs and more straight up and down. Jim has dark hair, he has a beard, and he is covered in body hair, almost another layer of clothing on him. He fascinates me. He has a smallish mouth. His nose is nothing special, not big or small. He has blue eyes, and they are what attract one to him in the beginning I think. I love to watch him. Sometimes he reminds me of a young boy, other times I see the man he is. Sometime I see the lover, sometimes I see the worker, sometimes I see the ex-jock, and sometimes I see the father. I always like what I see.
6. This is a biggie. Jim is a fixer. He can repair anything. I have not seen any piece of household furnishing or necessity he can not repair.
7. This brings about one of the few problems I think we encounter in our relationship. Because he can fix anything, he has everything. For the life of me, I can't figure out why anyone would need 75 screwdrivers, or 47 pairs of pliers, or three drills and a hand borer. I have briefly touched on this with him. I am a bit fearful to discuss it because I don't want to make waves. I am a minimalist. I have very few things. I don't keep things. This means I have often bought two or more of the same thing because I have gotten rid of the first. Jim doesn't get rid of anything. He keeps everything in case he might need it later. This has its good points, but there are some drawbacks also. Sometimes he forgets that he has something and goes out to buy new. Sometimes he knows he has what he needs, but he can't find it. Once he told me when he has enough room he puts things back when he is finished using them. He and I have different ideas about what constitutes finished using. When we moved in together, there was a strain on the relationship. I wanted to pitch, he wanted to save. Several times I know I wore his patience near the end, but to his credit, he never blew up at me. This is one of the things I like about him. With me, he has the patience of a saint, and I have been known to try the patience of the best of them.

There are only two things in my life with Jim that cause me a bit of tension. One is that sometimes I feel he doesn't want to listen to what I have to say. It's not that he cuts me off with bad words or makes fun of me, but sometimes when I try to add to the conversation, he doesn't bother to pick up my idea, he just continues with his own train of thought. This may have more to do with the other side of our life together, now that I think about it. But it still gives me some grief. Woowoolady would say I should bring this point to his attention, but I don't. It just isn't a big thing right now. It is a little thing and not worth the bother of mentioning to him. If it becomes a big problem, if I feel his is cutting me out or not letting me express myself, I will tell him.

The second thing that causes me some pain is that he has made only one small attempt to let me have some of me in this apartment. I know, because of the life we live, it is His house. He has control over what is or is not in it. I don't think He means to cut me out. I think He is happy that He finally has a big home. That He has room to put things He enjoys seeing. I don't think He realizes how much I miss having my things around too. I don't have much; maybe He thinks I don't care about pretty stuff. Maybe He doesn't like what I have, I don't know. He did let me put some art on the walls; we need more. But every bit of shelf space is taken with His things. There are only a couple of things that are mine. This is another item for discussion whose time hasn't quite yet come. I guess I am going to be forcing the issue, if He reads this. **

These are the things I especially admire about Jim, the man with whom I live. This is the first time I have written about him in this way. I haven't forgotten he is also my Master. That is always foremost in my mind. It is just that sometimes when I write about Master is sounds so dogmatic or pedantic. I wanted to try this way. I wanted to make it, I don't know I just wanted to do it.

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Julia Klein

September 2017

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